Want to make a huge difference in someone's life? Here are things you
should say every day to your employees, colleagues, family members,
friends, and everyone you care about:
"Here's what I'm thinking."
You're in charge, but that doesn't mean you're smarter, savvier, or
more insightful than everyone else. Back up your statements and
decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position or
authority.
Though taking the time to explain your decisions opens those
decisions up to discussion or criticism, it also opens up your decisions
to improvement.
Authority can make you "right," but collaboration makes everyone right--and makes everyone pull together.
"I was wrong."
I once came up with what I thought was an awesome plan to improve
overall productivity by moving a crew to a different shift on an open
production line. The inconvenience to the crew was considerable, but the
payoff seemed worth it. On paper, it was perfect.
In practice, it wasn't.
So, a few weeks later, I met with the crew and said, "I know you
didn't think this would work, and you were right. I was wrong. Let's
move you back to your original shift."
I felt terrible. I felt stupid. I was sure I'd lost any respect they had for me.
It turns out I was wrong about that, too. Later one employee said, "I
didn't really know you, but the fact you were willing to admit you were
wrong told me everything I needed to know."
When you're wrong, say you're wrong. You won't lose respect--you'll gain it.
"That was awesome."
No one gets enough praise. No one. Pick someone--pick anyone--who
does or did something well and say, "Wow, that was great how you..."
And feel free to go back in time. Saying "Earlier, I was thinking
about how you handled that employee issue last month..." can make just
as positive an impact today as it would have then. (It could even make a
bigger impact, because it shows you still remember what happened last
month, and you still think about it.)
Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the
recipient. Start praising. The people around you will love you for
it--and you'll like yourself a little better, too.
"You're welcome."
Think about a time you gave a gift and the recipient seemed
uncomfortable or awkward. Their reaction took away a little of the fun
for you, right?
The same thing can happen when you are thanked or complimented or
praised. Don't spoil the moment or the fun for the other person. The
spotlight may make you feel uneasy or insecure, but all you have to do
is make eye contact and say, "Thank you." Or make eye contact and say,
"You're welcome. I was glad to do it."
Don't let thanks, congratulations, or praise be all about you. Make it about the other person, too.
"Can you help me?"
When you need help, regardless of the type of help you need or the
person you need it from, just say, sincerely and humbly, "Can you help
me?"
I promise you'll get help.
And in the process you'll show vulnerability, respect, and a
willingness to listen--which, by the way, are all qualities of a great
leader.
And are all qualities of a great friend.
"I'm sorry."
We all make mistakes, so we all have things we need to apologize for:
words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, show support...
Say you're sorry.
But never follow an apology with a disclaimer like "But I was really
mad, because..." or "But I did think you were..." or any statement that
in any way places even the smallest amount of blame back on the other
person.
Say you're sorry, say why you're sorry, and take all the blame. No less. No more.
Then you both get to make the freshest of fresh starts.
"Can you show me?"
Advice is temporary; knowledge is forever. Knowing what to do helps, but knowing how or why to do it means everything.
When you ask to be taught or shown, several things happen: You
implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice; you show you
trust his or her experience, skill, and insight; and you get to better
assess the value of the advice.
Don't just ask for input. Ask to be taught or trained or shown.
Then you both win.
"Let me give you a hand."
Many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for help.
But everyone needs help.
Don't just say, "Is there anything I can help you with?" Most people
will give you a version of the reflexive "No, I'm just looking" reply to
sales clerks and say, "No, I'm all right."
Be specific. Find something you can help with. Say "I've got a few
minutes. Can I help you finish that?" Offer in a way that feels
collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous. Model the behavior you
want your employees to display.
Then actually roll up your sleeves and help.
"I love you."
No, not at work, but everywhere you mean it--and every time you feel it.
Nothing.
Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. If you're upset,
frustrated, or angry, stay quiet. You may think venting will make you
feel better, but it never does.
That's especially true where your employees are concerned. Results
come and go, but feelings are forever. Criticize an employee in a group
setting and it will seem like he eventually got over it, but inside, he
never will.
Before you speak, spend more time considering how employees will
think and feel than you do evaluating whether the decision makes
objective sense. You can easily recover from a mistake made because of
faulty data or inaccurate projections.
You'll never recover from the damage you inflict on an employee's self-esteem.
Be quiet until you know exactly what to say--and exactly what affect your words will have.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-things-extraordinary-people-say-every-day.html
Showing posts with label Self Help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Help. Show all posts
2/7/13
How Will You Measure Your Life?
Before I published The Innovator’s Dilemma, I
got a call from Andrew Grove, then the chairman of Intel. He had read
one of my early papers about disruptive technology, and he asked if I
could talk to his direct reports and explain my research and what it
implied for Intel. Excited, I flew to Silicon Valley and showed up at
the appointed time, only to have Grove say, “Look, stuff has happened.
We have only 10 minutes for you. Tell us what your model of disruption
means for Intel.” I said that I couldn’t—that I needed a full 30 minutes
to explain the model, because only with it as context would any
comments about Intel make sense. Ten minutes into my explanation, Grove
interrupted: “Look, I’ve got your model. Just tell us what it means for
Intel.”
I insisted that I needed 10 more minutes to describe how the process of disruption had worked its way through a very different industry, steel, so that he and his team could understand how disruption worked. I told the story of how Nucor and other steel minimills had begun by attacking the lowest end of the market—steel reinforcing bars, or rebar—and later moved up toward the high end, undercutting the traditional steel mills.
When I finished the minimill story, Grove said, “OK, I get it. What it means for Intel is...,” and then went on to articulate what would become the company’s strategy for going to the bottom of the market to launch the Celeron processor.
I’ve thought about that a million times since. If I had been suckered into telling Andy Grove what he should think about the microprocessor business, I’d have been killed. But instead of telling him what to think, I taught him how to think—and then he reached what I felt was the correct decision on his own.
That experience had a profound influence on me. When people ask what I think they should do, I rarely answer their question directly. Instead, I run the question aloud through one of my models. I’ll describe how the process in the model worked its way through an industry quite different from their own. And then, more often than not, they’ll say, “OK, I get it.” And they’ll answer their own question more insightfully than I could have.
My class at HBS is structured to help my students understand what good management theory is and how it is built. To that backbone I attach different models or theories that help students think about the various dimensions of a general manager’s job in stimulating innovation and growth. In each session we look at one company through the lenses of those theories—using them to explain how the company got into its situation and to examine what managerial actions will yield the needed results.
On the last day of class, I ask my students to turn those theoretical lenses on themselves, to find cogent answers to three questions: First, how can I be sure that I’ll be happy in my career? Second, how can I be sure that my relationships with my spouse and my family become an enduring source of happiness? Third, how can I be sure I’ll stay out of jail? Though the last question sounds lighthearted, it’s not. Two of the 32 people in my Rhodes scholar class spent time in jail. Jeff Skilling of Enron fame was a classmate of mine at HBS. These were good guys—but something in their lives sent them off in the wrong direction.
The Class of 2010
As the students discuss the answers to these questions, I open my own life to them as a case study of sorts, to illustrate how they can use the theories from our course to guide their life decisions.
One of the theories that gives great insight on the first question—how to be sure we find happiness in our careers—is from Frederick Herzberg, who asserts that the powerful motivator in our lives isn’t money; it’s the opportunity to learn, grow in responsibilities, contribute to others, and be recognized for achievements. I tell the students about a vision of sorts I had while I was running the company I founded before becoming an academic. In my mind’s eye I saw one of my managers leave for work one morning with a relatively strong level of self-esteem. Then I pictured her driving home to her family 10 hours later, feeling unappreciated, frustrated, underutilized, and demeaned. I imagined how profoundly her lowered self-esteem affected the way she interacted with her children. The vision in my mind then fast-forwarded to another day, when she drove home with greater self-esteem—feeling that she had learned a lot, been recognized for achieving valuable things, and played a significant role in the success of some important initiatives. I then imagined how positively that affected her as a spouse and a parent. My conclusion: Management is the most noble of professions if it’s practiced well. No other occupation offers as many ways to help others learn and grow, take responsibility and be recognized for achievement, and contribute to the success of a team. More and more MBA students come to school thinking that a career in business means buying, selling, and investing in companies. That’s unfortunate. Doing deals doesn’t yield the deep rewards that come from building up people.
I want students to leave my classroom knowing that.
Create a Strategy for Your Life
A theory that is helpful in answering the second question—How can I ensure that my relationship with my family proves to be an enduring source of happiness?—concerns how strategy is defined and implemented. Its primary insight is that a company’s strategy is determined by the types of initiatives that management invests in. If a company’s resource allocation process is not managed masterfully, what emerges from it can be very different from what management intended. Because companies’ decision-making systems are designed to steer investments to initiatives that offer the most tangible and immediate returns, companies shortchange investments in initiatives that are crucial to their long-term strategies.
Over the years I’ve watched the fates of my HBS classmates from 1979 unfold; I’ve seen more and more of them come to reunions unhappy, divorced, and alienated from their children. I can guarantee you that not a single one of them graduated with the deliberate strategy of getting divorced and raising children who would become estranged from them. And yet a shocking number of them implemented that strategy. The reason? They didn’t keep the purpose of their lives front and center as they decided how to spend their time, talents, and energy.
It’s quite startling that a significant fraction of the 900 students that HBS draws each year from the world’s best have given little thought to the purpose of their lives. I tell the students that HBS might be one of their last chances to reflect deeply on that question. If they think that they’ll have more time and energy to reflect later, they’re nuts, because life only gets more demanding: You take on a mortgage; you’re working 70 hours a week; you have a spouse and children.
For me, having a clear purpose in my life has been essential. But it was something I had to think long and hard about before I understood it. When I was a Rhodes scholar, I was in a very demanding academic program, trying to cram an extra year’s worth of work into my time at Oxford. I decided to spend an hour every night reading, thinking, and praying about why God put me on this earth. That was a very challenging commitment to keep, because every hour I spent doing that, I wasn’t studying applied econometrics. I was conflicted about whether I could really afford to take that time away from my studies, but I stuck with it—and ultimately figured out the purpose of my life.
Had I instead spent that hour each day learning the latest techniques for mastering the problems of autocorrelation in regression analysis, I would have badly misspent my life. I apply the tools of econometrics a few times a year, but I apply my knowledge of the purpose of my life every day. It’s the single most useful thing I’ve ever learned. I promise my students that if they take the time to figure out their life purpose, they’ll look back on it as the most important thing they discovered at HBS. If they don’t figure it out, they will just sail off without a rudder and get buffeted in the very rough seas of life. Clarity about their purpose will trump knowledge of activity-based costing, balanced scorecards, core competence, disruptive innovation, the four Ps, and the five forces.
My purpose grew out of my religious faith, but faith isn’t the only thing that gives people direction. For example, one of my former students decided that his purpose was to bring honesty and economic prosperity to his country and to raise children who were as capably committed to this cause, and to each other, as he was. His purpose is focused on family and others—as mine is.
The choice and successful pursuit of a profession is but one tool for achieving your purpose. But without a purpose, life can become hollow.
Allocate Your Resources
Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent ultimately shape your life’s strategy.
I have a bunch of “businesses” that compete for these resources: I’m trying to have a rewarding relationship with my wife, raise great kids, contribute to my community, succeed in my career, contribute to my church, and so on. And I have exactly the same problem that a corporation does. I have a limited amount of time and energy and talent. How much do I devote to each of these pursuits?
Allocation choices can make your life turn out to be very different from what you intended. Sometimes that’s good: Opportunities that you never planned for emerge. But if you misinvest your resources, the outcome can be bad. As I think about my former classmates who inadvertently invested for lives of hollow unhappiness, I can’t help believing that their troubles relate right back to a short-term perspective.
When people who have a high need for achievement—and that includes all Harvard Business School graduates—have an extra half hour of time or an extra ounce of energy, they’ll unconsciously allocate it to activities that yield the most tangible accomplishments. And our careers provide the most concrete evidence that we’re moving forward. You ship a product, finish a design, complete a presentation, close a sale, teach a class, publish a paper, get paid, get promoted. In contrast, investing time and energy in your relationship with your spouse and children typically doesn’t offer that same immediate sense of achievement. Kids misbehave every day. It’s really not until 20 years down the road that you can put your hands on your hips and say, “I raised a good son or a good daughter.” You can neglect your relationship with your spouse, and on a day-to-day basis, it doesn’t seem as if things are deteriorating. People who are driven to excel have this unconscious propensity to underinvest in their families and overinvest in their careers—even though intimate and loving relationships with their families are the most powerful and enduring source of happiness.
If you study the root causes of business disasters, over and over you’ll find this predisposition toward endeavors that offer immediate gratification. If you look at personal lives through that lens, you’ll see the same stunning and sobering pattern: people allocating fewer and fewer resources to the things they would have once said mattered most.
Create a Culture
There’s an important model in our class called the Tools of Cooperation, which basically says that being a visionary manager isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s one thing to see into the foggy future with acuity and chart the course corrections that the company must make. But it’s quite another to persuade employees who might not see the changes ahead to line up and work cooperatively to take the company in that new direction. Knowing what tools to wield to elicit the needed cooperation is a critical managerial skill.
The theory arrays these tools along two dimensions—the extent to which members of the organization agree on what they want from their participation in the enterprise, and the extent to which they agree on what actions will produce the desired results. When there is little agreement on both axes, you have to use “power tools”—coercion, threats, punishment, and so on—to secure cooperation. Many companies start in this quadrant, which is why the founding executive team must play such an assertive role in defining what must be done and how. If employees’ ways of working together to address those tasks succeed over and over, consensus begins to form. MIT’s Edgar Schein has described this process as the mechanism by which a culture is built. Ultimately, people don’t even think about whether their way of doing things yields success. They embrace priorities and follow procedures by instinct and assumption rather than by explicit decision—which means that they’ve created a culture. Culture, in compelling but unspoken ways, dictates the proven, acceptable methods by which members of the group address recurrent problems. And culture defines the priority given to different types of problems. It can be a powerful management tool.
In using this model to address the question, How can I be sure that my family becomes an enduring source of happiness?, my students quickly see that the simplest tools that parents can wield to elicit cooperation from children are power tools. But there comes a point during the teen years when power tools no longer work. At that point parents start wishing that they had begun working with their children at a very young age to build a culture at home in which children instinctively behave respectfully toward one another, obey their parents, and choose the right thing to do. Families have cultures, just as companies do. Those cultures can be built consciously or evolve inadvertently.
If you want your kids to have strong self-esteem and confidence that they can solve hard problems, those qualities won’t magically materialize in high school. You have to design them into your family’s culture—and you have to think about this very early on. Like employees, children build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works.
Avoid the “Marginal Costs” Mistake
We’re taught in finance and economics that in evaluating alternative investments, we should ignore sunk and fixed costs, and instead base decisions on the marginal costs and marginal revenues that each alternative entails. We learn in our course that this doctrine biases companies to leverage what they have put in place to succeed in the past, instead of guiding them to create the capabilities they’ll need in the future. If we knew the future would be exactly the same as the past, that approach would be fine. But if the future’s different—and it almost always is—then it’s the wrong thing to do.
This theory addresses the third question I discuss with my students—how to live a life of integrity (stay out of jail). Unconsciously, we often employ the marginal cost doctrine in our personal lives when we choose between right and wrong. A voice in our head says, “Look, I know that as a general rule, most people shouldn’t do this. But in this particular extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK.” The marginal cost of doing something wrong “just this once” always seems alluringly low. It suckers you in, and you don’t ever look at where that path ultimately is headed and at the full costs that the choice entails. Justification for infidelity and dishonesty in all their manifestations lies in the marginal cost economics of “just this once.”
I’d like to share a story about how I came to understand the potential damage of “just this once” in my own life. I played on the Oxford University varsity basketball team. We worked our tails off and finished the season undefeated. The guys on the team were the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. We got to the British equivalent of the NCAA tournament—and made it to the final four. It turned out the championship game was scheduled to be played on a Sunday. I had made a personal commitment to God at age 16 that I would never play ball on Sunday. So I went to the coach and explained my problem. He was incredulous. My teammates were, too, because I was the starting center. Every one of the guys on the team came to me and said, “You’ve got to play. Can’t you break the rule just this one time?”
I’m a deeply religious man, so I went away and prayed about what I should do. I got a very clear feeling that I shouldn’t break my commitment—so I didn’t play in the championship game.
In many ways that was a small decision—involving one of several thousand Sundays in my life. In theory, surely I could have crossed over the line just that one time and then not done it again. But looking back on it, resisting the temptation whose logic was “In this extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK” has proven to be one of the most important decisions of my life. Why? My life has been one unending stream of extenuating circumstances. Had I crossed the line that one time, I would have done it over and over in the years that followed.
The lesson I learned from this is that it’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time. If you give in to “just this once,” based on a marginal cost analysis, as some of my former classmates have done, you’ll regret where you end up. You’ve got to define for yourself what you stand for and draw the line in a safe place.
Remember the Importance of Humility
I got this insight when I was asked to teach a class on humility at Harvard College. I asked all the students to describe the most humble person they knew. One characteristic of these humble people stood out: They had a high level of self-esteem. They knew who they were, and they felt good about who they were. We also decided that humility was defined not by self-deprecating behavior or attitudes but by the esteem with which you regard others. Good behavior flows naturally from that kind of humility. For example, you would never steal from someone, because you respect that person too much. You’d never lie to someone, either.
It’s crucial to take a sense of humility into the world. By the time you make it to a top graduate school, almost all your learning has come from people who are smarter and more experienced than you: parents, teachers, bosses. But once you’ve finished at Harvard Business School or any other top academic institution, the vast majority of people you’ll interact with on a day-to-day basis may not be smarter than you. And if your attitude is that only smarter people have something to teach you, your learning opportunities will be very limited. But if you have a humble eagerness to learn something from everybody, your learning opportunities will be unlimited. Generally, you can be humble only if you feel really good about yourself—and you want to help those around you feel really good about themselves, too. When we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant, or demeaning manner toward others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self-esteem. They need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves.
Choose the Right Yardstick
This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I’d planned. Thankfully, it now looks as if I’ll be spared. But the experience has given me important insight into my life.
I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I’ve had a substantial impact. But as I’ve confronted this disease, it’s been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now. I’ve concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched.
I think that’s the way it will work for us all. Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. This is my final recommendation: Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.
http://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life/ar/1
I insisted that I needed 10 more minutes to describe how the process of disruption had worked its way through a very different industry, steel, so that he and his team could understand how disruption worked. I told the story of how Nucor and other steel minimills had begun by attacking the lowest end of the market—steel reinforcing bars, or rebar—and later moved up toward the high end, undercutting the traditional steel mills.
When I finished the minimill story, Grove said, “OK, I get it. What it means for Intel is...,” and then went on to articulate what would become the company’s strategy for going to the bottom of the market to launch the Celeron processor.
I’ve thought about that a million times since. If I had been suckered into telling Andy Grove what he should think about the microprocessor business, I’d have been killed. But instead of telling him what to think, I taught him how to think—and then he reached what I felt was the correct decision on his own.
That experience had a profound influence on me. When people ask what I think they should do, I rarely answer their question directly. Instead, I run the question aloud through one of my models. I’ll describe how the process in the model worked its way through an industry quite different from their own. And then, more often than not, they’ll say, “OK, I get it.” And they’ll answer their own question more insightfully than I could have.
My class at HBS is structured to help my students understand what good management theory is and how it is built. To that backbone I attach different models or theories that help students think about the various dimensions of a general manager’s job in stimulating innovation and growth. In each session we look at one company through the lenses of those theories—using them to explain how the company got into its situation and to examine what managerial actions will yield the needed results.
On the last day of class, I ask my students to turn those theoretical lenses on themselves, to find cogent answers to three questions: First, how can I be sure that I’ll be happy in my career? Second, how can I be sure that my relationships with my spouse and my family become an enduring source of happiness? Third, how can I be sure I’ll stay out of jail? Though the last question sounds lighthearted, it’s not. Two of the 32 people in my Rhodes scholar class spent time in jail. Jeff Skilling of Enron fame was a classmate of mine at HBS. These were good guys—but something in their lives sent them off in the wrong direction.
The Class of 2010
As the students discuss the answers to these questions, I open my own life to them as a case study of sorts, to illustrate how they can use the theories from our course to guide their life decisions.
One of the theories that gives great insight on the first question—how to be sure we find happiness in our careers—is from Frederick Herzberg, who asserts that the powerful motivator in our lives isn’t money; it’s the opportunity to learn, grow in responsibilities, contribute to others, and be recognized for achievements. I tell the students about a vision of sorts I had while I was running the company I founded before becoming an academic. In my mind’s eye I saw one of my managers leave for work one morning with a relatively strong level of self-esteem. Then I pictured her driving home to her family 10 hours later, feeling unappreciated, frustrated, underutilized, and demeaned. I imagined how profoundly her lowered self-esteem affected the way she interacted with her children. The vision in my mind then fast-forwarded to another day, when she drove home with greater self-esteem—feeling that she had learned a lot, been recognized for achieving valuable things, and played a significant role in the success of some important initiatives. I then imagined how positively that affected her as a spouse and a parent. My conclusion: Management is the most noble of professions if it’s practiced well. No other occupation offers as many ways to help others learn and grow, take responsibility and be recognized for achievement, and contribute to the success of a team. More and more MBA students come to school thinking that a career in business means buying, selling, and investing in companies. That’s unfortunate. Doing deals doesn’t yield the deep rewards that come from building up people.
I want students to leave my classroom knowing that.
Create a Strategy for Your Life
A theory that is helpful in answering the second question—How can I ensure that my relationship with my family proves to be an enduring source of happiness?—concerns how strategy is defined and implemented. Its primary insight is that a company’s strategy is determined by the types of initiatives that management invests in. If a company’s resource allocation process is not managed masterfully, what emerges from it can be very different from what management intended. Because companies’ decision-making systems are designed to steer investments to initiatives that offer the most tangible and immediate returns, companies shortchange investments in initiatives that are crucial to their long-term strategies.
Over the years I’ve watched the fates of my HBS classmates from 1979 unfold; I’ve seen more and more of them come to reunions unhappy, divorced, and alienated from their children. I can guarantee you that not a single one of them graduated with the deliberate strategy of getting divorced and raising children who would become estranged from them. And yet a shocking number of them implemented that strategy. The reason? They didn’t keep the purpose of their lives front and center as they decided how to spend their time, talents, and energy.
It’s quite startling that a significant fraction of the 900 students that HBS draws each year from the world’s best have given little thought to the purpose of their lives. I tell the students that HBS might be one of their last chances to reflect deeply on that question. If they think that they’ll have more time and energy to reflect later, they’re nuts, because life only gets more demanding: You take on a mortgage; you’re working 70 hours a week; you have a spouse and children.
For me, having a clear purpose in my life has been essential. But it was something I had to think long and hard about before I understood it. When I was a Rhodes scholar, I was in a very demanding academic program, trying to cram an extra year’s worth of work into my time at Oxford. I decided to spend an hour every night reading, thinking, and praying about why God put me on this earth. That was a very challenging commitment to keep, because every hour I spent doing that, I wasn’t studying applied econometrics. I was conflicted about whether I could really afford to take that time away from my studies, but I stuck with it—and ultimately figured out the purpose of my life.
Had I instead spent that hour each day learning the latest techniques for mastering the problems of autocorrelation in regression analysis, I would have badly misspent my life. I apply the tools of econometrics a few times a year, but I apply my knowledge of the purpose of my life every day. It’s the single most useful thing I’ve ever learned. I promise my students that if they take the time to figure out their life purpose, they’ll look back on it as the most important thing they discovered at HBS. If they don’t figure it out, they will just sail off without a rudder and get buffeted in the very rough seas of life. Clarity about their purpose will trump knowledge of activity-based costing, balanced scorecards, core competence, disruptive innovation, the four Ps, and the five forces.
My purpose grew out of my religious faith, but faith isn’t the only thing that gives people direction. For example, one of my former students decided that his purpose was to bring honesty and economic prosperity to his country and to raise children who were as capably committed to this cause, and to each other, as he was. His purpose is focused on family and others—as mine is.
The choice and successful pursuit of a profession is but one tool for achieving your purpose. But without a purpose, life can become hollow.
Allocate Your Resources
Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent ultimately shape your life’s strategy.
I have a bunch of “businesses” that compete for these resources: I’m trying to have a rewarding relationship with my wife, raise great kids, contribute to my community, succeed in my career, contribute to my church, and so on. And I have exactly the same problem that a corporation does. I have a limited amount of time and energy and talent. How much do I devote to each of these pursuits?
Allocation choices can make your life turn out to be very different from what you intended. Sometimes that’s good: Opportunities that you never planned for emerge. But if you misinvest your resources, the outcome can be bad. As I think about my former classmates who inadvertently invested for lives of hollow unhappiness, I can’t help believing that their troubles relate right back to a short-term perspective.
When people who have a high need for achievement—and that includes all Harvard Business School graduates—have an extra half hour of time or an extra ounce of energy, they’ll unconsciously allocate it to activities that yield the most tangible accomplishments. And our careers provide the most concrete evidence that we’re moving forward. You ship a product, finish a design, complete a presentation, close a sale, teach a class, publish a paper, get paid, get promoted. In contrast, investing time and energy in your relationship with your spouse and children typically doesn’t offer that same immediate sense of achievement. Kids misbehave every day. It’s really not until 20 years down the road that you can put your hands on your hips and say, “I raised a good son or a good daughter.” You can neglect your relationship with your spouse, and on a day-to-day basis, it doesn’t seem as if things are deteriorating. People who are driven to excel have this unconscious propensity to underinvest in their families and overinvest in their careers—even though intimate and loving relationships with their families are the most powerful and enduring source of happiness.
If you study the root causes of business disasters, over and over you’ll find this predisposition toward endeavors that offer immediate gratification. If you look at personal lives through that lens, you’ll see the same stunning and sobering pattern: people allocating fewer and fewer resources to the things they would have once said mattered most.
Create a Culture
There’s an important model in our class called the Tools of Cooperation, which basically says that being a visionary manager isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s one thing to see into the foggy future with acuity and chart the course corrections that the company must make. But it’s quite another to persuade employees who might not see the changes ahead to line up and work cooperatively to take the company in that new direction. Knowing what tools to wield to elicit the needed cooperation is a critical managerial skill.
The theory arrays these tools along two dimensions—the extent to which members of the organization agree on what they want from their participation in the enterprise, and the extent to which they agree on what actions will produce the desired results. When there is little agreement on both axes, you have to use “power tools”—coercion, threats, punishment, and so on—to secure cooperation. Many companies start in this quadrant, which is why the founding executive team must play such an assertive role in defining what must be done and how. If employees’ ways of working together to address those tasks succeed over and over, consensus begins to form. MIT’s Edgar Schein has described this process as the mechanism by which a culture is built. Ultimately, people don’t even think about whether their way of doing things yields success. They embrace priorities and follow procedures by instinct and assumption rather than by explicit decision—which means that they’ve created a culture. Culture, in compelling but unspoken ways, dictates the proven, acceptable methods by which members of the group address recurrent problems. And culture defines the priority given to different types of problems. It can be a powerful management tool.
In using this model to address the question, How can I be sure that my family becomes an enduring source of happiness?, my students quickly see that the simplest tools that parents can wield to elicit cooperation from children are power tools. But there comes a point during the teen years when power tools no longer work. At that point parents start wishing that they had begun working with their children at a very young age to build a culture at home in which children instinctively behave respectfully toward one another, obey their parents, and choose the right thing to do. Families have cultures, just as companies do. Those cultures can be built consciously or evolve inadvertently.
If you want your kids to have strong self-esteem and confidence that they can solve hard problems, those qualities won’t magically materialize in high school. You have to design them into your family’s culture—and you have to think about this very early on. Like employees, children build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works.
Avoid the “Marginal Costs” Mistake
We’re taught in finance and economics that in evaluating alternative investments, we should ignore sunk and fixed costs, and instead base decisions on the marginal costs and marginal revenues that each alternative entails. We learn in our course that this doctrine biases companies to leverage what they have put in place to succeed in the past, instead of guiding them to create the capabilities they’ll need in the future. If we knew the future would be exactly the same as the past, that approach would be fine. But if the future’s different—and it almost always is—then it’s the wrong thing to do.
This theory addresses the third question I discuss with my students—how to live a life of integrity (stay out of jail). Unconsciously, we often employ the marginal cost doctrine in our personal lives when we choose between right and wrong. A voice in our head says, “Look, I know that as a general rule, most people shouldn’t do this. But in this particular extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK.” The marginal cost of doing something wrong “just this once” always seems alluringly low. It suckers you in, and you don’t ever look at where that path ultimately is headed and at the full costs that the choice entails. Justification for infidelity and dishonesty in all their manifestations lies in the marginal cost economics of “just this once.”
I’d like to share a story about how I came to understand the potential damage of “just this once” in my own life. I played on the Oxford University varsity basketball team. We worked our tails off and finished the season undefeated. The guys on the team were the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. We got to the British equivalent of the NCAA tournament—and made it to the final four. It turned out the championship game was scheduled to be played on a Sunday. I had made a personal commitment to God at age 16 that I would never play ball on Sunday. So I went to the coach and explained my problem. He was incredulous. My teammates were, too, because I was the starting center. Every one of the guys on the team came to me and said, “You’ve got to play. Can’t you break the rule just this one time?”
I’m a deeply religious man, so I went away and prayed about what I should do. I got a very clear feeling that I shouldn’t break my commitment—so I didn’t play in the championship game.
In many ways that was a small decision—involving one of several thousand Sundays in my life. In theory, surely I could have crossed over the line just that one time and then not done it again. But looking back on it, resisting the temptation whose logic was “In this extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK” has proven to be one of the most important decisions of my life. Why? My life has been one unending stream of extenuating circumstances. Had I crossed the line that one time, I would have done it over and over in the years that followed.
The lesson I learned from this is that it’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time. If you give in to “just this once,” based on a marginal cost analysis, as some of my former classmates have done, you’ll regret where you end up. You’ve got to define for yourself what you stand for and draw the line in a safe place.
Remember the Importance of Humility
I got this insight when I was asked to teach a class on humility at Harvard College. I asked all the students to describe the most humble person they knew. One characteristic of these humble people stood out: They had a high level of self-esteem. They knew who they were, and they felt good about who they were. We also decided that humility was defined not by self-deprecating behavior or attitudes but by the esteem with which you regard others. Good behavior flows naturally from that kind of humility. For example, you would never steal from someone, because you respect that person too much. You’d never lie to someone, either.
It’s crucial to take a sense of humility into the world. By the time you make it to a top graduate school, almost all your learning has come from people who are smarter and more experienced than you: parents, teachers, bosses. But once you’ve finished at Harvard Business School or any other top academic institution, the vast majority of people you’ll interact with on a day-to-day basis may not be smarter than you. And if your attitude is that only smarter people have something to teach you, your learning opportunities will be very limited. But if you have a humble eagerness to learn something from everybody, your learning opportunities will be unlimited. Generally, you can be humble only if you feel really good about yourself—and you want to help those around you feel really good about themselves, too. When we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant, or demeaning manner toward others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self-esteem. They need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves.
Choose the Right Yardstick
This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I’d planned. Thankfully, it now looks as if I’ll be spared. But the experience has given me important insight into my life.
I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I’ve had a substantial impact. But as I’ve confronted this disease, it’s been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now. I’ve concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched.
I think that’s the way it will work for us all. Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. This is my final recommendation: Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.
http://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life/ar/1
2/4/13
How to Create a Positive Attitude
A positive attitude is never automatic. You have to work at it! Here's how to become a master of the mind.
A positive attitude--optimism, expectancy, and enthusiasm--makes everything in business easier. A positive attitude boosts you up when you're down and supercharges you when you're already "on a roll."
Here's how to cultivate a positive attitude, regardless of what's happening at work, based upon a conversation with Jeff Keller, author of the bestseller Attitude Is Everything:
1. Remember that YOU control your attitude.
Attitude does not emerge from what happens to you, but instead from how you decide to interpret what happens to you.
Take, for example, receiving the unexpected gift of an old automobile. One person might think: "It's a piece of junk!" a second might think: "It's cheap transportation," and a third might think: "It's a real classic!"
In each case, the person is deciding how to interpret the event and therefore controlling how he or she feels about it (i.e. attitude).
2. Adopt beliefs that frame events in a positive way.
Your beliefs and rules about life and work determine how you interpret events and therefore your attitude. Decide to adopt "strong" beliefs that create a good attitude rather than beliefs that create a bad attitude. To use sales as an example:
Spend at least 15 minutes every morning to read, view, or listen to something inspirational or motivational. If you do this regularly, you'll have those thoughts and feelings ready at hand (or rather, ready to mind) when events don't go exactly the way you'd prefer.
4. Avoid angry or negative media.
Unfortunately, the media is full of hateful people who make money by goading listeners to be paranoid, unhappy, and frightened. The resulting flood of negativity doesn't just destroy your ability to maintain a positive attitude; it actively inserts you into a state of misery, pique, and umbrage. Rather than suck up the spew, limit your "informational" media consumption to business and industry news.
5. Ignore whiners and complainers.
Whiners and complainers see the world through crap-colored glasses. They'd rather talk about what's irreparably wrong, rather than make things better. More importantly, complainers can't bear to see somebody else happy and satisfied.
If you tell a complainer about a success that you've experienced, they'll congratulate them, but their words ring hollow. You can sense they'd just as soon you told them about what's making you miserable. What a drag (figuratively and literally)!
6. Use a more positive vocabulary.
I've written about this before, but the point is worth making again. The words that come out of your mouth aren't just a reflection of what's in your brain--they're programming your brain how to think. Therefore, if you want to have a positive attitude, your vocabulary must be consistently positive. Therefore:
A positive attitude--optimism, expectancy, and enthusiasm--makes everything in business easier. A positive attitude boosts you up when you're down and supercharges you when you're already "on a roll."
Here's how to cultivate a positive attitude, regardless of what's happening at work, based upon a conversation with Jeff Keller, author of the bestseller Attitude Is Everything:
1. Remember that YOU control your attitude.
Attitude does not emerge from what happens to you, but instead from how you decide to interpret what happens to you.
Take, for example, receiving the unexpected gift of an old automobile. One person might think: "It's a piece of junk!" a second might think: "It's cheap transportation," and a third might think: "It's a real classic!"
In each case, the person is deciding how to interpret the event and therefore controlling how he or she feels about it (i.e. attitude).
2. Adopt beliefs that frame events in a positive way.
Your beliefs and rules about life and work determine how you interpret events and therefore your attitude. Decide to adopt "strong" beliefs that create a good attitude rather than beliefs that create a bad attitude. To use sales as an example:
- Situation: The first sales call of the day goes poorly.
- Weak: A lousy first call means that I'm off my game and today will suck.
- Strong: Every sales call is different, so the next will probably be better.
- Situation: A customer reduces the amount of an order at the last minute!
- Weak: Customers who change orders can't be trusted.
- Strong: Customers who change orders are more likely to be satisfied!
- Situation: A big sales win comes seemingly "out of nowhere."
- Weak: Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.
- Strong: You never know when something wonderful will happen!
Spend at least 15 minutes every morning to read, view, or listen to something inspirational or motivational. If you do this regularly, you'll have those thoughts and feelings ready at hand (or rather, ready to mind) when events don't go exactly the way you'd prefer.
4. Avoid angry or negative media.
Unfortunately, the media is full of hateful people who make money by goading listeners to be paranoid, unhappy, and frightened. The resulting flood of negativity doesn't just destroy your ability to maintain a positive attitude; it actively inserts you into a state of misery, pique, and umbrage. Rather than suck up the spew, limit your "informational" media consumption to business and industry news.
5. Ignore whiners and complainers.
Whiners and complainers see the world through crap-colored glasses. They'd rather talk about what's irreparably wrong, rather than make things better. More importantly, complainers can't bear to see somebody else happy and satisfied.
If you tell a complainer about a success that you've experienced, they'll congratulate them, but their words ring hollow. You can sense they'd just as soon you told them about what's making you miserable. What a drag (figuratively and literally)!
6. Use a more positive vocabulary.
I've written about this before, but the point is worth making again. The words that come out of your mouth aren't just a reflection of what's in your brain--they're programming your brain how to think. Therefore, if you want to have a positive attitude, your vocabulary must be consistently positive. Therefore:
- Stop using negative phrases such as "I can't," "It's impossible," or "This won't work." These statements program you for negative results.
- Whenever anyone asks "How are you?" rather than "Hangin' in there," or "Okay, I guess..." respond with "Terrific!" or "Never felt better!" And mean it.
- When you're feeling angry or upset, substitute neutral words for emotionally loaded ones. Rather than saying "I'm enraged!" say "I'm a bit annoyed..."
12/26/12
6 Habits of Remarkably Likeable People
They're charming. They're genuine. And they can make an entire room full of people smile.
When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a little shy and a little insecure.
But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.
Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:
They lose the power pose.
I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.
It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.
No matter how big a deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton, no slouch at this either.
Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly, to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance or status. They're genuine.
Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.
We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.)
They embrace the power of touch.
Nonsexual touch can be very powerful. (Yes, I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.
Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.
Check out Clinton's right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile, that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.
Think the same won't work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.
Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked.
They whip out their social jiu-jitsu.
You meet someone. You talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome."
Then, when you think about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person.
Remarkably likeable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters are fascinated by every step you took in creating a particularly clever pivot table, by every decision you made when you transformed a 200-slide PowerPoint into a TED Talk-worthy presentation, if you do say so yourself...
SJJ masters use their interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell on you.
And you like them for it.
Social jiu-jitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who.
As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how they did it. Or why they did it. Or what they liked about it, or what they learned from it, or what you should do if you're in a similar situation.
No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person's opinion--and, by extension, the person.
We all like people who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment.
(Kidding. Sort of.)
They whip out something genuine.
Everyone is better than you at something. (Yes, that's true even for you.) Let them be better than you.
Too many people when they first meet engage in some form of penis-measuring contest. Crude reference but one that instantly calls to mind a time you saw two alpha male master-of-the business-universe types whip out their figurative rulers. (Not literally, of course. I hope you haven't seen that.)
Don't try to win the "getting to know someone" competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing or a weakness.
You don't have to disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "We just purchased a larger facility," say, "That's awesome. I have to admit I'm jealous. We've wanted to move for a couple years but haven't been able to put together the financing. How did you pull it off?"
Don't be afraid to show a little vulnerability. People may be (momentarily) impressed by the artificial, but people sincerely like the genuine.
Be the real you. People will like the real you.
They ask for nothing.
You know the moment: You're having a great conversation, you're finding things in common... and then bam! Someone plays the networking card.
And everything about your interaction changes.
Put away the hard-charging, goal-oriented, always-on kinda persona. If you have to ask for something, find a way to help the other person, then ask if you can.
Remarkably likeable people focus on what they can do for you--not for themselves.
They "close" genuinely.
"Nice to meet you," you say, nodding once as you part. That's the standard move, one that is instantly forgettable.
Instead go back to the beginning. Shake hands again. Use your free hand to gently touch the other person's forearm or shoulder. Say, "I am really glad I met you." Or say, "You know, I really enjoyed talking with you." Smile: Not that insincere salesperson smile that goes with, "Have a nice day!" but a genuine, appreciative smile.
Making a great first impression is important, but so is making a great last impression.
And they accept it isn't easy.
All this sounds simple, right? It is. But it's not easy, especially if you're shy. The standard, power pose, "Hello, how are you, good to meet you, good seeing you," shuffle feels a lot safer.
But it won't make people like you.
So accept it's hard. Accept that being a little more deferential, a little more genuine, a little more complimentary and a little more vulnerable means putting yourself out there. Accept that at first it will feel risky.
But don't worry: When you help people feel a little better about themselves--which is reason enough--they'll like you for it.
And you'll like yourself a little more, too.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/6-habits-of-remarkably-likeable-people.html
When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a little shy and a little insecure.
But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.
Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:
They lose the power pose.
I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.
It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.
No matter how big a deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton, no slouch at this either.
Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly, to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance or status. They're genuine.
Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.
We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.)
They embrace the power of touch.
Nonsexual touch can be very powerful. (Yes, I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.
Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.
Check out Clinton's right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile, that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.
Think the same won't work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.
Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked.
They whip out their social jiu-jitsu.
You meet someone. You talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome."
Then, when you think about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person.
Remarkably likeable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters are fascinated by every step you took in creating a particularly clever pivot table, by every decision you made when you transformed a 200-slide PowerPoint into a TED Talk-worthy presentation, if you do say so yourself...
SJJ masters use their interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell on you.
And you like them for it.
Social jiu-jitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who.
As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how they did it. Or why they did it. Or what they liked about it, or what they learned from it, or what you should do if you're in a similar situation.
No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person's opinion--and, by extension, the person.
We all like people who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment.
(Kidding. Sort of.)
They whip out something genuine.
Everyone is better than you at something. (Yes, that's true even for you.) Let them be better than you.
Too many people when they first meet engage in some form of penis-measuring contest. Crude reference but one that instantly calls to mind a time you saw two alpha male master-of-the business-universe types whip out their figurative rulers. (Not literally, of course. I hope you haven't seen that.)
Don't try to win the "getting to know someone" competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing or a weakness.
You don't have to disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "We just purchased a larger facility," say, "That's awesome. I have to admit I'm jealous. We've wanted to move for a couple years but haven't been able to put together the financing. How did you pull it off?"
Don't be afraid to show a little vulnerability. People may be (momentarily) impressed by the artificial, but people sincerely like the genuine.
Be the real you. People will like the real you.
They ask for nothing.
You know the moment: You're having a great conversation, you're finding things in common... and then bam! Someone plays the networking card.
And everything about your interaction changes.
Put away the hard-charging, goal-oriented, always-on kinda persona. If you have to ask for something, find a way to help the other person, then ask if you can.
Remarkably likeable people focus on what they can do for you--not for themselves.
They "close" genuinely.
"Nice to meet you," you say, nodding once as you part. That's the standard move, one that is instantly forgettable.
Instead go back to the beginning. Shake hands again. Use your free hand to gently touch the other person's forearm or shoulder. Say, "I am really glad I met you." Or say, "You know, I really enjoyed talking with you." Smile: Not that insincere salesperson smile that goes with, "Have a nice day!" but a genuine, appreciative smile.
Making a great first impression is important, but so is making a great last impression.
And they accept it isn't easy.
All this sounds simple, right? It is. But it's not easy, especially if you're shy. The standard, power pose, "Hello, how are you, good to meet you, good seeing you," shuffle feels a lot safer.
But it won't make people like you.
So accept it's hard. Accept that being a little more deferential, a little more genuine, a little more complimentary and a little more vulnerable means putting yourself out there. Accept that at first it will feel risky.
But don't worry: When you help people feel a little better about themselves--which is reason enough--they'll like you for it.
And you'll like yourself a little more, too.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/6-habits-of-remarkably-likeable-people.html
Easiest Way to Win Friends and Influence People
Charm is good and cleverness never hurts. But there's one very simple
thing you can do to create instant rapport with someone else.
It probably says more about me than I like, but I don't like to be touched, except of course by loved ones. I rarely initiate casual touching.
Reach to shake hands? Sure. Full hug, bro' hug, shoulder patting, back slapping good times? Um, no.
That may be why I didn't realize how powerful nonsexual touch can be. (I'm aware sexual touch can be powerful, thanks.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly, and can even you help make a sale.
Here are a few examples of the effects of nonsexual touch from PsyBlog. When touched, people are:
Show your sincere appreciation or genuine interest not just with words, but with actions as well--taking care to ensure the person you touch doesn't mind, of course.
And start hugging your mother more often. She deserves it.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/easiest-way-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-mon.html
It probably says more about me than I like, but I don't like to be touched, except of course by loved ones. I rarely initiate casual touching.
Reach to shake hands? Sure. Full hug, bro' hug, shoulder patting, back slapping good times? Um, no.
That may be why I didn't realize how powerful nonsexual touch can be. (I'm aware sexual touch can be powerful, thanks.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly, and can even you help make a sale.
Here are a few examples of the effects of nonsexual touch from PsyBlog. When touched, people are:
- More likely to comply. 81% of participants agreed to sign a petition if touched, while only 55% agreed when not touched.
- Even more likely to comply when touched twice. Researchers asked strangers to fill out a questionnaire; people who were touched twice were more likely to agree than those only touched once. (Shockingly, results were highest when females touched males.)
- More likely to provide help. 90% of strangers who were touched lightly on the arm helped the experimenter pick up dropped items. If not touched, only 63% helped.
- More likely to tip generously. Waitresses who touch customers are more likely to receive a bigger tip. (This from a 1984 study before the non gender-specific "server.")
- Able to perceive unspoken emotions. Participants in a study tried to convey 12 different emotions by touching another blindfolded participant on the forearm. The rate of accuracy for perceiving emotions like fear, anger, gratitude, sympathy, love, and disgust ranged from 43% to 83%--without a word being spoken.
- More likely to (maybe) buy a car. Researchers approached random men shopping for used cars. Half were touched for one second and the other half were not touched. Those who were touched later rated the "toucher" as more friendly, honest, and sincere. Would creating that perception help a salesperson make more sales? Probably so, since so people tend to buy from people they like.
Show your sincere appreciation or genuine interest not just with words, but with actions as well--taking care to ensure the person you touch doesn't mind, of course.
And start hugging your mother more often. She deserves it.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/easiest-way-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-mon.html
Want to Win? Be Smart and Clever
Millions of people are smart. To truly excel, you need to kick it up a notch.
We've all seen smart people lose to clever people. I know I have. (Not that I'm smart. Work with me for a bit.)
Years ago I raced motorcycles. I was a decent rider in a slightly-above-average-fish in a small pond kind of way. I won my share of races. But there was one rider I could never beat.
Objectively you would think I was better: I had better equipment, tended to set better lap times, and was bold in an, "I've broken some bones and since I didn't get my collarbone fixed right one shoulder hangs a little lower than the other but hey everybody knows chicks dig guys with lots of scars" kind of way (note to younger self: No they don't). Yet he still beat me four races in a row.
I was a smart and experienced rider. He was just as smart--but he was also clever.
Sparing you (and my ego) too much detail, here's what happened:
First race: I rode a textbook ride. On the last lap he out-braked me and passed where I was strongest, killed my drive off that turn, and used a couple lapped riders to scrape me off my line in the next turn.
He won. Lessons learned: 1) Sometimes you are weakest where you think you are strongest, and 2) Throwing your helmet greatly reduces its cosmetic appeal.
Next race: He took the lead early and I let him go, thinking he would wear down his tires on an unusually abrasive track. Textbook, conventional wisdom call--but he took advantage of clear sailing to ride perfect lines.
He won by .012 seconds. Lessons learned: 1) Conventional wisdom usually produces conventional results, and 2) Tossing a few insulting gestures at a slower rider before he takes off his helmet to reveal a small, teardrop tattoo below his eye shows a serious disregard for personal safety. (True story.)
Next race: I jumped out to a fast start and clicked off extremely consistent lap times... until I worked too hard in too many corners to pass too many lapped riders and made my back tire look like it ran into a cheese grater with an attitude.
He knew the track and the competition better than I did and purposely hung back to avoid lapping erratic riders too soon.
He won (two words I'm tired of writing.) Lessons learned: 1) Your biggest competition is sometimes not the competition you imagine, and 2) You can love your tires but they will never love you back.
Fourth race: He was totally inside my head. All I remember is finishing second. Lesson learned: Sometimes the best memories are the memories you manage to forget.
Biggest lesson learned? Clever often beats smart.
The Difference Between Smart & Clever
For the sake of argument let's define smart as educated, trained, experienced, and seasoned. Smart people can evaluate a situation and determine the right thing to do.
Clever takes smart a step farther, adding insight and a dash of the unexpected. Clever people evaluate a situation, determine the smart thing to do, and then go a step farther to determine an often-surprising way to capitalize on an opportunity.
In business terms, smart is the guy down the hall with the MBA who analyzes and optimizes your supply chain because you asked him to. Clever is the gal on the shop floor who shows how productivity can be increased by 15% simply by sequencing jobs differently. (Another true story.)
The key to making clever decisions and finding clever strategies is to view problems from a different perspective. Necessity is the mother of cleverness, so creating a little artificial necessity automatically stimulates cleverness.
Here are five easy ways:
1. Think of the worst that could happen.
What if you lose your biggest customer? What if you lose your job? What if your industry tanks?
The answers could indicate a great change in overall strategy or uncover unexpected opportunities.
2. Pretend you're out of money.
Solid cash flow is great, but a steady stream of revenue can also hide opportunities to save money or optimize processes. If you ran out of money, what would you do?
Think through as many scenarios as possible, then implement the best ideas.
3. Pretend you can't follow the rules.
Every business has rules, both written and unwritten. As individuals we all follow external and self-imposed rules. But what would you do if you couldn't follow company or personal guidelines to solve a problem? What if you couldn't ask your boss for permission? What if you couldn't ask your partner for help? What if your policy manual suddenly went missing?
Tap your inner Captain Kidd, play pirate, and mentally break a few rules. You will probably find that some of the "rules" you follow aren't rules at all; they're just conventional wisdom in disguise.
4. Pretend you only have five minutes to solve a problem.
Speed is also the mother of cleverness. Pick a problem and give yourself five minutes to reach a decision. Pretend, say, you only have five minutes to decide what type of business to start. If you had to decide right now what would you choose?
Most of us play out too many "What if?" scenarios for our own good. Often a snap decision is the right decision because it cuts through the clutter.
5. Pretend perfect is achievable.
This is my favorite. Most of us tend to view improvement from a percentage-gain perspective: Increase productivity by 5%, reduce cost by 4%. We look for incremental gains rather than perfection. That's what we're trained to do.
But what if you aimed for perfect? What would be required in order to achieve perfection?
A machine operator and I took this approach with surprising results. While discussing an upcoming budget cycle, I didn't ask him the tried and true, "Do you have any ideas for how we can raise productivity by 3% next year?" Instead, I asked, "What if you had to make sure your machine never went down? What would we need to do?"
Over the course of an hour he listed every conceivable reason his equipment jammed, timed out, shut down because of mechanical and electrical failures. We figured out concrete ways to avoid every item on the list. Then we implemented those ideas.
Was it easy? Heck no. We changed a number of processes, put one employee on a different lunch schedule so he could perform preventive maintenance while the line was idle, increased usage of a number of component parts... the list goes on and on.
We never hit perfection, but in three months productivity was up 32% and the ROI on cost added to the process was over 800%.
Smart? Sure. Clever too.
Anyone can be smart. Take your business to the next level by adding clever to your skill set.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/why-you-need-to-be-smart-and-clever.html
We've all seen smart people lose to clever people. I know I have. (Not that I'm smart. Work with me for a bit.)
Years ago I raced motorcycles. I was a decent rider in a slightly-above-average-fish in a small pond kind of way. I won my share of races. But there was one rider I could never beat.
Objectively you would think I was better: I had better equipment, tended to set better lap times, and was bold in an, "I've broken some bones and since I didn't get my collarbone fixed right one shoulder hangs a little lower than the other but hey everybody knows chicks dig guys with lots of scars" kind of way (note to younger self: No they don't). Yet he still beat me four races in a row.
I was a smart and experienced rider. He was just as smart--but he was also clever.
Sparing you (and my ego) too much detail, here's what happened:
First race: I rode a textbook ride. On the last lap he out-braked me and passed where I was strongest, killed my drive off that turn, and used a couple lapped riders to scrape me off my line in the next turn.
He won. Lessons learned: 1) Sometimes you are weakest where you think you are strongest, and 2) Throwing your helmet greatly reduces its cosmetic appeal.
Next race: He took the lead early and I let him go, thinking he would wear down his tires on an unusually abrasive track. Textbook, conventional wisdom call--but he took advantage of clear sailing to ride perfect lines.
He won by .012 seconds. Lessons learned: 1) Conventional wisdom usually produces conventional results, and 2) Tossing a few insulting gestures at a slower rider before he takes off his helmet to reveal a small, teardrop tattoo below his eye shows a serious disregard for personal safety. (True story.)
Next race: I jumped out to a fast start and clicked off extremely consistent lap times... until I worked too hard in too many corners to pass too many lapped riders and made my back tire look like it ran into a cheese grater with an attitude.
He knew the track and the competition better than I did and purposely hung back to avoid lapping erratic riders too soon.
He won (two words I'm tired of writing.) Lessons learned: 1) Your biggest competition is sometimes not the competition you imagine, and 2) You can love your tires but they will never love you back.
Fourth race: He was totally inside my head. All I remember is finishing second. Lesson learned: Sometimes the best memories are the memories you manage to forget.
Biggest lesson learned? Clever often beats smart.
The Difference Between Smart & Clever
For the sake of argument let's define smart as educated, trained, experienced, and seasoned. Smart people can evaluate a situation and determine the right thing to do.
Clever takes smart a step farther, adding insight and a dash of the unexpected. Clever people evaluate a situation, determine the smart thing to do, and then go a step farther to determine an often-surprising way to capitalize on an opportunity.
In business terms, smart is the guy down the hall with the MBA who analyzes and optimizes your supply chain because you asked him to. Clever is the gal on the shop floor who shows how productivity can be increased by 15% simply by sequencing jobs differently. (Another true story.)
The key to making clever decisions and finding clever strategies is to view problems from a different perspective. Necessity is the mother of cleverness, so creating a little artificial necessity automatically stimulates cleverness.
Here are five easy ways:
1. Think of the worst that could happen.
What if you lose your biggest customer? What if you lose your job? What if your industry tanks?
The answers could indicate a great change in overall strategy or uncover unexpected opportunities.
2. Pretend you're out of money.
Solid cash flow is great, but a steady stream of revenue can also hide opportunities to save money or optimize processes. If you ran out of money, what would you do?
Think through as many scenarios as possible, then implement the best ideas.
3. Pretend you can't follow the rules.
Every business has rules, both written and unwritten. As individuals we all follow external and self-imposed rules. But what would you do if you couldn't follow company or personal guidelines to solve a problem? What if you couldn't ask your boss for permission? What if you couldn't ask your partner for help? What if your policy manual suddenly went missing?
Tap your inner Captain Kidd, play pirate, and mentally break a few rules. You will probably find that some of the "rules" you follow aren't rules at all; they're just conventional wisdom in disguise.
4. Pretend you only have five minutes to solve a problem.
Speed is also the mother of cleverness. Pick a problem and give yourself five minutes to reach a decision. Pretend, say, you only have five minutes to decide what type of business to start. If you had to decide right now what would you choose?
Most of us play out too many "What if?" scenarios for our own good. Often a snap decision is the right decision because it cuts through the clutter.
5. Pretend perfect is achievable.
This is my favorite. Most of us tend to view improvement from a percentage-gain perspective: Increase productivity by 5%, reduce cost by 4%. We look for incremental gains rather than perfection. That's what we're trained to do.
But what if you aimed for perfect? What would be required in order to achieve perfection?
A machine operator and I took this approach with surprising results. While discussing an upcoming budget cycle, I didn't ask him the tried and true, "Do you have any ideas for how we can raise productivity by 3% next year?" Instead, I asked, "What if you had to make sure your machine never went down? What would we need to do?"
Over the course of an hour he listed every conceivable reason his equipment jammed, timed out, shut down because of mechanical and electrical failures. We figured out concrete ways to avoid every item on the list. Then we implemented those ideas.
Was it easy? Heck no. We changed a number of processes, put one employee on a different lunch schedule so he could perform preventive maintenance while the line was idle, increased usage of a number of component parts... the list goes on and on.
We never hit perfection, but in three months productivity was up 32% and the ROI on cost added to the process was over 800%.
Smart? Sure. Clever too.
Anyone can be smart. Take your business to the next level by adding clever to your skill set.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/why-you-need-to-be-smart-and-clever.html
10/4/12
What Science Says About Successful Bosses
Over the past year, I've been writing a book about the future of sales and marketing with Howard Stevens, chairman of the leadership assessment firm Chally.
As part of a decades-long research project, Chally has gathered
extensive personality data about 150,000 salespeople, including 9,000
sales managers.
Last week, I had a conversation with Howard where he described the results of a statistical analysis on the cumulative data on sales managers. While the data set is specific to sales, I believe that personality traits that emerged apply to any management position.
According to the success vs. failure statistics that Howard shared with me, successful bosses tend to be:
1. Humble Rather Than Arrogant
Failed bosses defined their role as some form of telling people what to do. Employees perceived them as obnoxious know-it-alls who wouldn't let them do their job.
Successful bosses put themselves and their own egos into the background. They focused on coaching employees to perform to their highest potential.
2. Flexible Rather Than Rigid
Failed bosses couldn't tolerate change themselves and so found it nearly impossible to get their employees to embrace necessary change.
Successful bosses knew that adapting to new conditions requires personal flexibility in order to inspire similar flexibility throughout the rest of the team.
3. Straightforward Rather Than Evasive Failed bosses tried to manipulate employees using half-truths that left false impressions. When employees realized they've been fooled, they felt resentful and disloyal.
Successful bosses gave employees the information they need to know to make the best decisions, even if that information is difficult or sensitive.
4. Forward Thinking Rather Than Improvisational Failed bosses often attempted to run their organizations ad-hoc, constantly shifting gears and directions, creating a more-or-less constant state of confusion.
Successful bosses had a plan and made sure that everyone understood it. They adapted that plan to changing conditions but did so carefully and intentionally.
5. Precise Rather Than Vague
Failed bosses created mushy goals that employees found difficult to map into actual activity. As a result, the wrong things got done and the right things didn't.
Successful bosses let employees know exactly what was expected of them, in sufficient detail so that there was no ambiguity about goals.
6. Patient Rather Than Ill-Tempered
Failed bosses blew up and threw fits when problems cropped up. Their employees became more afraid of doing things wrong than eager to do things right.
Successful bosses confronted problems by listening, considering options, deciding on the best approach, and then communicating what needed to be done.
http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/what-science-says-about-successful-bosses.html
Last week, I had a conversation with Howard where he described the results of a statistical analysis on the cumulative data on sales managers. While the data set is specific to sales, I believe that personality traits that emerged apply to any management position.
According to the success vs. failure statistics that Howard shared with me, successful bosses tend to be:
1. Humble Rather Than Arrogant
Failed bosses defined their role as some form of telling people what to do. Employees perceived them as obnoxious know-it-alls who wouldn't let them do their job.
Successful bosses put themselves and their own egos into the background. They focused on coaching employees to perform to their highest potential.
2. Flexible Rather Than Rigid
Failed bosses couldn't tolerate change themselves and so found it nearly impossible to get their employees to embrace necessary change.
Successful bosses knew that adapting to new conditions requires personal flexibility in order to inspire similar flexibility throughout the rest of the team.
3. Straightforward Rather Than Evasive Failed bosses tried to manipulate employees using half-truths that left false impressions. When employees realized they've been fooled, they felt resentful and disloyal.
Successful bosses gave employees the information they need to know to make the best decisions, even if that information is difficult or sensitive.
4. Forward Thinking Rather Than Improvisational Failed bosses often attempted to run their organizations ad-hoc, constantly shifting gears and directions, creating a more-or-less constant state of confusion.
Successful bosses had a plan and made sure that everyone understood it. They adapted that plan to changing conditions but did so carefully and intentionally.
5. Precise Rather Than Vague
Failed bosses created mushy goals that employees found difficult to map into actual activity. As a result, the wrong things got done and the right things didn't.
Successful bosses let employees know exactly what was expected of them, in sufficient detail so that there was no ambiguity about goals.
6. Patient Rather Than Ill-Tempered
Failed bosses blew up and threw fits when problems cropped up. Their employees became more afraid of doing things wrong than eager to do things right.
Successful bosses confronted problems by listening, considering options, deciding on the best approach, and then communicating what needed to be done.
http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/what-science-says-about-successful-bosses.html
10/3/12
7 Ways to Make Customers Love You
The greatest compliment anyone can receive in the business world is "I just love working with you." That's especially true when that compliment comes from customers, because it means that you'll be getting their business time and time again.
Here are the seven rules for getting customers to love working with you, based upon conversations with Jeffrey Gitomer, author of the The Sales Bible and Dr. Earl Taylor, master trainer at Dale Carnegie:
1. Make building the relationship more important than making the sale.
2. Create opportunities for the customer to buy, rather than opportunities for you to sell.
3. Have meaningful conversations and never give a sales pitch.
4. Be curious about the customer as a person and let the friendship evolve from that.
5. Don't try to be a hero who swoops in to solve the customer's problem.
6. Believe in your heart that you and your firm are the best at what you do.
7. Deliver exactly what you promised to deliver, no matter what.
http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/7-ways-to-make-customers-love-you.html
Here are the seven rules for getting customers to love working with you, based upon conversations with Jeffrey Gitomer, author of the The Sales Bible and Dr. Earl Taylor, master trainer at Dale Carnegie:
1. Make building the relationship more important than making the sale.
2. Create opportunities for the customer to buy, rather than opportunities for you to sell.
3. Have meaningful conversations and never give a sales pitch.
4. Be curious about the customer as a person and let the friendship evolve from that.
5. Don't try to be a hero who swoops in to solve the customer's problem.
6. Believe in your heart that you and your firm are the best at what you do.
7. Deliver exactly what you promised to deliver, no matter what.
http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/7-ways-to-make-customers-love-you.html
Best Way to Introduce Yourself
Who is the most important audience? Hint: It's not the people you meet.
Whenever you introduce yourself, the person you meet is not the most important audience.
You are the most important audience.
Here's why.
I like to ride bicycles. I'm not super fit. And I'm not super fast. But I like riding, and in weak moments occasionally even think of myself as a "cyclist."
So occasionally I ride in mass participation events like gran fondos. The average participant tends to be a serious cyclist: Many are triathletes, some are amateur racers, and occasionally even a few professionals show up. I live in a valley between two mountain ranges, so our events are not for the faint of fitness.
I was standing in the start area for a gran fondo that involved climbing four mountains when a man rolled over towards me. My guess is he picked me out since I was clearly one of the older riders in the field. (That was a delightful sentence to write.) As he stopped he struggled to unclip from his pedals and almost fell.
"Morning," he said, the bass in his voice turned up to 10. "I'm Louis Winthorpe III*. I'm the CEO of WeKickSeriousButt Enterprises."**
"Jeff," I said. I shook his hand.
"I am really looking forward to this," he said. "I could use the break to recharge the old batteries. Just in the last few days I've had to finalize a huge contract, visit two of our plants, and sign off on plans for a new marketing push."
How do you respond to that? "Wow, you've been busy," was the best I could manage.
"Oh, not really," he said, trying and failing to seem humble. "Just same stuff, different day. I just wish I wasn't so busy. I only have time to do the shorter course today. I would have absolutely killed the long ride. What about you?"
"I'm afraid the long ride is going to kill me," I said.
"Feel free to latch on to my wheel," he said, referring to drafting in another rider's slipstream. "I'll tow you along for as long as you can hang with me." Then he slowly and carefully clipped into one pedal and wobbled away.
Cocky? Full of himself? Sure, but only on the surface: His $12,000 bike, pseudo-pro gear, and "I rule the business world" introduction were an unconscious effort to protect his ego. What his introduction really said was, "While I might not turn out to be good at cycling, that's okay because out in the real world, where it really matters, I am The Man."
While he introduced himself to me, he was his real audience.
And that's a shame. For the next six or eight hours he could have just been a cyclist. He could have struggled and suffered and maybe even rekindled the ember of youth inside us that burns a little less brightly with each passing year.
How do you introduce yourself? When you feel insecure, do you prop up your courage with your introduction? Do you include titles or accomplishments or "facts" when you don't need to?
If so, your introduction is all about you, not your audience.
Instead:
See less as more.
Brief introductions are always best. Provide the bare minimum the other person needs to know, not in an attempt to maintain distance, but because during a conversation more about you can be revealed in a natural, unforced, and therefore much more memorable way.
Stay in context.
If you meet another parent at a school meeting, for example, just say, "Hi, I'm Mark. My daughter is in third grade." Keep your introduction in context with the setting. If there is no real context, like at a gran fondo, just say, "Hi, I'm Mark. Good luck."
Embrace understatement.
Unless you're in a business setting, your job title is irrelevant. Even if you are in fact the CEO of WeKickSeriousButt Enterprises, just say you work there. To err is human. To err humble is divine.
Focus on the other person.
The other person is the only person that matters. Ask questions. Actually listen to the answers. The best connections never come from speaking; the best connections always come from listening.
That day I rolled into the finishing area well over six hours later. I stopped and slumped over my handlebars beside a small cluster of riders who had finished well before me. They were already changed and working on a post-ride beer.
One of them looked over and said, "How was it?"
"It sucked," I said.
They all laughed, and he said, "And it was awesome, right?"
I smiled, because it was. He reached over and gave me a fist bump. "I'll grab you a beer and you can tell us all about it," he said. I looked forward to the conversation more than the beer. Acceptance and camaraderie are earned by effort, not granted by title.
At that moment I happened to see Louis, sitting alone as he packed up his gear. I felt a twinge of sadness because he never allowed himself to just be a rider. He never gave himself the chance to fit in, enjoy a shared purpose, and to simply be a cyclist among cyclists.
When you introduce yourself, embrace the moment and the setting for what it says about you in that moment, not in comparison to your titles or accomplishments.
Just be whoever you are, skills and struggles and triumphs and failures and all. You are your true audience, even when you introduce yourself.
Always be yourself--especially to yourself.
* Clearly not his real name. (Trading Places!)
** Not really, but not far off.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/a-great-way-to-introduce-yourself.html
Whenever you introduce yourself, the person you meet is not the most important audience.
You are the most important audience.
Here's why.
I like to ride bicycles. I'm not super fit. And I'm not super fast. But I like riding, and in weak moments occasionally even think of myself as a "cyclist."
So occasionally I ride in mass participation events like gran fondos. The average participant tends to be a serious cyclist: Many are triathletes, some are amateur racers, and occasionally even a few professionals show up. I live in a valley between two mountain ranges, so our events are not for the faint of fitness.
I was standing in the start area for a gran fondo that involved climbing four mountains when a man rolled over towards me. My guess is he picked me out since I was clearly one of the older riders in the field. (That was a delightful sentence to write.) As he stopped he struggled to unclip from his pedals and almost fell.
"Morning," he said, the bass in his voice turned up to 10. "I'm Louis Winthorpe III*. I'm the CEO of WeKickSeriousButt Enterprises."**
"Jeff," I said. I shook his hand.
"I am really looking forward to this," he said. "I could use the break to recharge the old batteries. Just in the last few days I've had to finalize a huge contract, visit two of our plants, and sign off on plans for a new marketing push."
How do you respond to that? "Wow, you've been busy," was the best I could manage.
"Oh, not really," he said, trying and failing to seem humble. "Just same stuff, different day. I just wish I wasn't so busy. I only have time to do the shorter course today. I would have absolutely killed the long ride. What about you?"
"I'm afraid the long ride is going to kill me," I said.
"Feel free to latch on to my wheel," he said, referring to drafting in another rider's slipstream. "I'll tow you along for as long as you can hang with me." Then he slowly and carefully clipped into one pedal and wobbled away.
Cocky? Full of himself? Sure, but only on the surface: His $12,000 bike, pseudo-pro gear, and "I rule the business world" introduction were an unconscious effort to protect his ego. What his introduction really said was, "While I might not turn out to be good at cycling, that's okay because out in the real world, where it really matters, I am The Man."
While he introduced himself to me, he was his real audience.
And that's a shame. For the next six or eight hours he could have just been a cyclist. He could have struggled and suffered and maybe even rekindled the ember of youth inside us that burns a little less brightly with each passing year.
How do you introduce yourself? When you feel insecure, do you prop up your courage with your introduction? Do you include titles or accomplishments or "facts" when you don't need to?
If so, your introduction is all about you, not your audience.
Instead:
See less as more.
Brief introductions are always best. Provide the bare minimum the other person needs to know, not in an attempt to maintain distance, but because during a conversation more about you can be revealed in a natural, unforced, and therefore much more memorable way.
Stay in context.
If you meet another parent at a school meeting, for example, just say, "Hi, I'm Mark. My daughter is in third grade." Keep your introduction in context with the setting. If there is no real context, like at a gran fondo, just say, "Hi, I'm Mark. Good luck."
Embrace understatement.
Unless you're in a business setting, your job title is irrelevant. Even if you are in fact the CEO of WeKickSeriousButt Enterprises, just say you work there. To err is human. To err humble is divine.
Focus on the other person.
The other person is the only person that matters. Ask questions. Actually listen to the answers. The best connections never come from speaking; the best connections always come from listening.
That day I rolled into the finishing area well over six hours later. I stopped and slumped over my handlebars beside a small cluster of riders who had finished well before me. They were already changed and working on a post-ride beer.
One of them looked over and said, "How was it?"
"It sucked," I said.
They all laughed, and he said, "And it was awesome, right?"
I smiled, because it was. He reached over and gave me a fist bump. "I'll grab you a beer and you can tell us all about it," he said. I looked forward to the conversation more than the beer. Acceptance and camaraderie are earned by effort, not granted by title.
At that moment I happened to see Louis, sitting alone as he packed up his gear. I felt a twinge of sadness because he never allowed himself to just be a rider. He never gave himself the chance to fit in, enjoy a shared purpose, and to simply be a cyclist among cyclists.
When you introduce yourself, embrace the moment and the setting for what it says about you in that moment, not in comparison to your titles or accomplishments.
Just be whoever you are, skills and struggles and triumphs and failures and all. You are your true audience, even when you introduce yourself.
Always be yourself--especially to yourself.
* Clearly not his real name. (Trading Places!)
** Not really, but not far off.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/a-great-way-to-introduce-yourself.html
4 Tips to Dramatically Improve Any Skill
Practice does not, in fact, always make perfect. Here's an easy way to make sure all that work pays off.
Picture someone you know who is incredibly talented: an athlete, a musician, a scientist.
You probably wish you had been born with some type of gift, right?
You were.
That's the introduction to Daniel Coyle's The Little Book of Talent,
a cool book filled with 52 easy, proven methods to improve almost any
skill. It's a great guide; in just a few minutes you'll think, Oh, wow,
several times.
Here's an example. You want to get better at something. At anything. Just going through the practice motions provides little or no results, though, so the key is to make sure you use a method that follows the R.E.P.S. gauge:
Let's take a brief look at each.
Reaching and Repeating: Practice should require you to operate at the edge of your abilities; in short, you have to consistently reach and constantly repeat.
Say you're leading a training session. Should you:
1. Call on one person, ask a question, and have him or her answer it, or
2. Pose the question first, and then randomly choose someone to answer (and maybe even turn the exercise into a game)?
The second is the best approach, because everyone has to reach, every time--even if he or she isn't called on. Call on John from accounting, and I know I don't have to answer the question; I can sit back, check my email, and wait until you eventually call on me. I don't have to reach but--maybe--once.
Always put yourself--or the people you're training--in a position to reach, over and over again.
Engagement: Practice must command your attention and make you feel emotionally invested in striving for a goal.
Say you're trying to perfect your slide transitions for a presentation. Should you:
1. Run through the whole presentation 10 times, or
2. Try to hit each transition perfectly, without mistakes, three presentations in a row?
Running through your presentation 10 times in a row will feel like death; trying to be perfect three times in a row turns the exercise into a game you care about.
Make sure the outcome of every practice session is something you will care about: You'll try harder and be more engaged, and you'll improve more rapidly.
Purposefulness: Practice must directly connect to the skill you want to build. (Sounds obvious, but often what we practice has little to do with what we need to accomplish.)
Say you feel nervous and intimidated when you have to speak to a group. Should you:
1. Rehearse at home, alone, until you know your material inside out, or
2. Practice speaking to small groups of people in less formal settings, like in a meeting?
Although solo rehearsing certainly helps, the only way to perform well under the pressure of an audience is to actually practice speaking to people. No amount of solo practice will prepare you for the nerves you'll feel when every eye in the room is on you.
Strong, Speedy Feedback: Practice must provide an immediate and consistent flow of accurate information about performance.
Say you're studying for a certification exam. You purchased a sample test guide. Should you:
1. Take a complete test and wait until the next day to see how you did, or
2. Complete a section and immediately grade your answers to see where you went wrong (and right)?
Take the test in chunks. Check your results right away. Immediate feedback is the best feedback; you'll better connect the dots because you're in the flow. Waiting even a day for feedback creates a mental distance and a lack of engagement that are really hard to overcome--which means much of the time you spent trying to learn was wasted.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/4-tips-to-dramatically-improve-any-skill.html
Picture someone you know who is incredibly talented: an athlete, a musician, a scientist.
You probably wish you had been born with some type of gift, right?
You were.
"We are often taught that talent
begins with genetic gifts--that the talented are able to effortlessly
perform feats the rest of us can only dream about. This is false. Talent
begins with brief, powerful encounters that spark motivation by linking
your identity to a high-performing person or group. This is called
ignition, and it consists of a tiny, world-shifting thought lighting up
your unconscious mind:
"I could be them."
Here's an example. You want to get better at something. At anything. Just going through the practice motions provides little or no results, though, so the key is to make sure you use a method that follows the R.E.P.S. gauge:
R: Reaching and Repeating
E: Engagement
P: Purposefulness
S: Strong, Speedy Feedback
Let's take a brief look at each.
Reaching and Repeating: Practice should require you to operate at the edge of your abilities; in short, you have to consistently reach and constantly repeat.
Say you're leading a training session. Should you:
1. Call on one person, ask a question, and have him or her answer it, or
2. Pose the question first, and then randomly choose someone to answer (and maybe even turn the exercise into a game)?
The second is the best approach, because everyone has to reach, every time--even if he or she isn't called on. Call on John from accounting, and I know I don't have to answer the question; I can sit back, check my email, and wait until you eventually call on me. I don't have to reach but--maybe--once.
Always put yourself--or the people you're training--in a position to reach, over and over again.
Engagement: Practice must command your attention and make you feel emotionally invested in striving for a goal.
Say you're trying to perfect your slide transitions for a presentation. Should you:
1. Run through the whole presentation 10 times, or
2. Try to hit each transition perfectly, without mistakes, three presentations in a row?
Running through your presentation 10 times in a row will feel like death; trying to be perfect three times in a row turns the exercise into a game you care about.
Make sure the outcome of every practice session is something you will care about: You'll try harder and be more engaged, and you'll improve more rapidly.
Purposefulness: Practice must directly connect to the skill you want to build. (Sounds obvious, but often what we practice has little to do with what we need to accomplish.)
Say you feel nervous and intimidated when you have to speak to a group. Should you:
1. Rehearse at home, alone, until you know your material inside out, or
2. Practice speaking to small groups of people in less formal settings, like in a meeting?
Although solo rehearsing certainly helps, the only way to perform well under the pressure of an audience is to actually practice speaking to people. No amount of solo practice will prepare you for the nerves you'll feel when every eye in the room is on you.
Strong, Speedy Feedback: Practice must provide an immediate and consistent flow of accurate information about performance.
Say you're studying for a certification exam. You purchased a sample test guide. Should you:
1. Take a complete test and wait until the next day to see how you did, or
2. Complete a section and immediately grade your answers to see where you went wrong (and right)?
Take the test in chunks. Check your results right away. Immediate feedback is the best feedback; you'll better connect the dots because you're in the flow. Waiting even a day for feedback creates a mental distance and a lack of engagement that are really hard to overcome--which means much of the time you spent trying to learn was wasted.
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/4-tips-to-dramatically-improve-any-skill.html
8/6/12
10 Tricks for a Fabulous Workday
Want to have the best workday ever? Day after day? It's not as difficult as you think.
These 10 tweaks to your everyday behavior will virtually guarantee you a day that's not just enjoyable but allows you to get more done than you ever thought possible.
1. Start with 15 minutes of positive input.
It's easier to achieve and maintain a positive attitude if you have a "library" of positive thoughts in your head, so you can draw upon them if the day doesn't go exactly as you'd prefer. Start each day by reading (or listening to) an inspirational book to ensure that you have just such a resource at hand.
2. Tie your work to your life's goals.
Always remember that there's a deeper reason why you go to work and why you chose your current role. Maybe it's to support your family, to change the world in some way, to help your customers, to make a difference: Whatever the deeper motivation, remind yourself that this workday--today--is the opportunity to accomplish part of that deeper and more important goal.
3. Use your commute wisely.
Most people waste their commute time listening to the news or (worse, especially if they're driving) making calls, texting, or answering emails. In fact, your commute time is the perfect time to get yourself pumped up for the day, and there's no better way to do this than to listen to music that truly inspires you and gets you in the right mood. Don't depend on a DJ: Make your own mixes!
4. Stick a smile on your face.
It's likely, if you followed the first three steps, that you'll already be smiling. If not, stick a smile on your face anyway.
It doesn't matter if it feels fake: Research has shown that even the most forced of smiles genuinely reduces stress and makes you happier. Does this mean you should be grinning like the Joker in the Batman comics? Well, yes, if that's the best you can do. But something a bit more relaxed might be less alarming to co-workers.
5. Express a positive mood.
When most people are asked social greetings--questions such as "How are you?" or "What's up?"--they typically say something neutral ("I'm OK") or negative, like "Hangin' in there." That kind of talk programs your brain for failure.
Instead, if anyone inquires, say something positive and enthusiastic, like: "Fantastic!" or "I'm having a wonderful day!" It's true that there are some people whom this annoys--but these are people you should be avoiding anyway. (See No. 7, below.)
6. Do what's important first.
Everybody complains about having too much to do, but few people do anything about it. As I explained in "The Surprising Secret of Time Management," 20% of your activities are going to produce 80% of your results. So do that 20% first, before you get to the 80% of your activities that is mostly wasted time. You'll get more done, and you'll get better results.
7. Avoid negative people.
If you've been following Steps 1 through 6, you'll probably find that the most negative people in your orbit will be avoiding you, while the positive people will want to hang out with you and help you. Though it's true you can't avoid all the Debbie Downers, you can certainly find something else to do when they start grousing about stuff they won't or can't change.
8. Don't work long hours.
Long hours are simply a bad idea. For one thing, as I have pointed out before: Long hours, after a short burst of productivity, actually make you less productive. But frankly, if you've followed Steps 1 through 7, you'll be getting so much done that you won't need to work those long hours.
9. Wind down and relax.
Once you're done with the workday, fill the remainder of your hours with nonwork-related activities that bring you joy and help you relax. The analogy of "recharge your batteries" is valid. Failing to take time to relax and stop thinking about work guarantees that you'll begin the next day with a "hangover" of resentment that will leach the joy out of what can, and should be, a positive work experience. overconcentration.
10. End your day with 15 minutes of gratitude.
As I pointed out in "The True Secret of Success," exercising your "gratitude muscle" is the best way to make certain that you experience more success. Before you go to sleep, get out a tablet (paper or electric), and record everything that happened during the day about which you are (or could be) grateful.
You'll sleep better and be ready for tomorrow--which will probably be even more fabulous than today.
But What About ...
Now, I know some of this can sound like a stretch. It may take a leap of faith to give this approach a try. But before you push back too much, let me answer some of the questions I sometimes hear.
These 10 tweaks to your everyday behavior will virtually guarantee you a day that's not just enjoyable but allows you to get more done than you ever thought possible.
1. Start with 15 minutes of positive input.
It's easier to achieve and maintain a positive attitude if you have a "library" of positive thoughts in your head, so you can draw upon them if the day doesn't go exactly as you'd prefer. Start each day by reading (or listening to) an inspirational book to ensure that you have just such a resource at hand.
2. Tie your work to your life's goals.
Always remember that there's a deeper reason why you go to work and why you chose your current role. Maybe it's to support your family, to change the world in some way, to help your customers, to make a difference: Whatever the deeper motivation, remind yourself that this workday--today--is the opportunity to accomplish part of that deeper and more important goal.
3. Use your commute wisely.
Most people waste their commute time listening to the news or (worse, especially if they're driving) making calls, texting, or answering emails. In fact, your commute time is the perfect time to get yourself pumped up for the day, and there's no better way to do this than to listen to music that truly inspires you and gets you in the right mood. Don't depend on a DJ: Make your own mixes!
4. Stick a smile on your face.
It's likely, if you followed the first three steps, that you'll already be smiling. If not, stick a smile on your face anyway.
It doesn't matter if it feels fake: Research has shown that even the most forced of smiles genuinely reduces stress and makes you happier. Does this mean you should be grinning like the Joker in the Batman comics? Well, yes, if that's the best you can do. But something a bit more relaxed might be less alarming to co-workers.
5. Express a positive mood.
When most people are asked social greetings--questions such as "How are you?" or "What's up?"--they typically say something neutral ("I'm OK") or negative, like "Hangin' in there." That kind of talk programs your brain for failure.
Instead, if anyone inquires, say something positive and enthusiastic, like: "Fantastic!" or "I'm having a wonderful day!" It's true that there are some people whom this annoys--but these are people you should be avoiding anyway. (See No. 7, below.)
6. Do what's important first.
Everybody complains about having too much to do, but few people do anything about it. As I explained in "The Surprising Secret of Time Management," 20% of your activities are going to produce 80% of your results. So do that 20% first, before you get to the 80% of your activities that is mostly wasted time. You'll get more done, and you'll get better results.
7. Avoid negative people.
If you've been following Steps 1 through 6, you'll probably find that the most negative people in your orbit will be avoiding you, while the positive people will want to hang out with you and help you. Though it's true you can't avoid all the Debbie Downers, you can certainly find something else to do when they start grousing about stuff they won't or can't change.
8. Don't work long hours.
Long hours are simply a bad idea. For one thing, as I have pointed out before: Long hours, after a short burst of productivity, actually make you less productive. But frankly, if you've followed Steps 1 through 7, you'll be getting so much done that you won't need to work those long hours.
9. Wind down and relax.
Once you're done with the workday, fill the remainder of your hours with nonwork-related activities that bring you joy and help you relax. The analogy of "recharge your batteries" is valid. Failing to take time to relax and stop thinking about work guarantees that you'll begin the next day with a "hangover" of resentment that will leach the joy out of what can, and should be, a positive work experience. overconcentration.
10. End your day with 15 minutes of gratitude.
As I pointed out in "The True Secret of Success," exercising your "gratitude muscle" is the best way to make certain that you experience more success. Before you go to sleep, get out a tablet (paper or electric), and record everything that happened during the day about which you are (or could be) grateful.
You'll sleep better and be ready for tomorrow--which will probably be even more fabulous than today.
But What About ...
Now, I know some of this can sound like a stretch. It may take a leap of faith to give this approach a try. But before you push back too much, let me answer some of the questions I sometimes hear.
- What if something really horrible happens during the day? You'll be much better prepared to deal with challenges than if you were already halfway to miserable--which is how most people go through their workday.
- What if I simply have to deal with a negative person? Tune out the negativity. Learn to shrug it off. If the negativity becomes too much of a burden, start using the extra energy you're producing to reorganize your team or (if the person is outside your company) find a different partner.
- What if I'm too depressed to do any of this? If that's the case, you may need professional help. None of these tricks require more time and effort than making yourself miserable, however.
- Do these tricks really work? Yes.
6/23/12
Where does trust come from?
Where does trust come from?
Hint: it never comes from the good times and from the easy projects.
We trust people because they showed up when it wasn't convenient, because they told the truth when it was easier to lie and because they kept a promise when they could have gotten away with breaking it.
Every tough time and every pressured project is another opportunity to earn the trust of someone you care about.
sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/06/where-does-trust-come-from.html
We trust people because they showed up when it wasn't convenient, because they told the truth when it was easier to lie and because they kept a promise when they could have gotten away with breaking it.
Every tough time and every pressured project is another opportunity to earn the trust of someone you care about.
sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/06/where-does-trust-come-from.html
6/21/12
Positive Thinking: 7 Easy Ways to Improve a Bad Day
Don't let a bad morning ruin your entire day. Use these mental tricks to change your momentum.
Had a lousy morning? Things looking grim?
Not to worry. The rest of your day need not be a disaster. It can in fact become one of your best, providing you take these simple steps:
1. Remember that the past does not equal the future.
There is no such thing as a "run of bad luck." The reason people believe such nonsense is that the human brain creates patterns out of random events and remembers the events that fit the pattern.
2. Refuse to make self-fulfilling prophesies.
If you believe the rest of your day will be as challenging as what's already happened, then rest assured: You'll end up doing something (or saying) something that will make sure that your prediction comes true.
3. Get a sense of proportion.
Think about the big picture: Unless something life-changing has happened (like the death of a loved one), chances are that in two weeks, you'll have forgotten completely about whatever it was that has your shorts in a twist today.
4. Change your threshold for "good" and "bad."
Decide that a good day is any day that you're above ground. Similarly, decide that a bad day is when somebody steals your car and drives it into the ocean. Those types of definitions make it easy to be happy–and difficult to be sad.
5. Improve your body chemistry.
Your body and brain are in a feedback loop: A bad mood makes you tired, which makes your mood worse, and so forth. Interrupt the pattern by getting up and moving around. Take a walk or eat something healthy.
6. Focus on what's going well.
The primary reason you're convinced it's a bad day is that you're focusing on whatever went wrong. However, for everything going badly, there are probably dozens of things going well. Make list, and post it where it's visible.
7. Expect something wondrous.
Just as an attitude of doom and gloom makes you see more problems, facing the future with a sense of wonder makes you alive to all sorts of wonderful things that are going on, right now, everywhere around you.
Had a lousy morning? Things looking grim?
Not to worry. The rest of your day need not be a disaster. It can in fact become one of your best, providing you take these simple steps:
1. Remember that the past does not equal the future.
There is no such thing as a "run of bad luck." The reason people believe such nonsense is that the human brain creates patterns out of random events and remembers the events that fit the pattern.
2. Refuse to make self-fulfilling prophesies.
If you believe the rest of your day will be as challenging as what's already happened, then rest assured: You'll end up doing something (or saying) something that will make sure that your prediction comes true.
3. Get a sense of proportion.
Think about the big picture: Unless something life-changing has happened (like the death of a loved one), chances are that in two weeks, you'll have forgotten completely about whatever it was that has your shorts in a twist today.
4. Change your threshold for "good" and "bad."
Decide that a good day is any day that you're above ground. Similarly, decide that a bad day is when somebody steals your car and drives it into the ocean. Those types of definitions make it easy to be happy–and difficult to be sad.
5. Improve your body chemistry.
Your body and brain are in a feedback loop: A bad mood makes you tired, which makes your mood worse, and so forth. Interrupt the pattern by getting up and moving around. Take a walk or eat something healthy.
6. Focus on what's going well.
The primary reason you're convinced it's a bad day is that you're focusing on whatever went wrong. However, for everything going badly, there are probably dozens of things going well. Make list, and post it where it's visible.
7. Expect something wondrous.
Just as an attitude of doom and gloom makes you see more problems, facing the future with a sense of wonder makes you alive to all sorts of wonderful things that are going on, right now, everywhere around you.
6/5/12
The Value of Your Attention
Most of our attention is stretched across a bunch of ideas at once
and it’s increasingly difficult to stop and pay attention to the world
around us. However, our attention span is limited and many of us
undervalue its importance.
It’s no secret that in order to form a memory you first have to pay attention to an event, but it’s easy to forget as you’re rushing to work or jogging through the park. As a digital trend, this is prevalent in the idea of the attention economy where attention is a limiting factor in how we process and consume information. It’s one of the essential reasons why notifications are evil as well: we consistently break focus and stop paying attention to a task at hand.
As The Information Diet author Clay Johnson points out, it’s not just about extending your focus so you can pay attention longer, it’s about choosing when it really matters:
One way to practice focusing your attention is to try and memorize a situation and think critically about it. Scientific American sums this up when they address the idea of memorizing a block of text:
In a recent article in TIME Magazine, researchers suggest a similar idea as a means to increase your power of observation, an idea not too far off from attention. Their suggestion is to keep a field notebook that trains your brain to learn to look for new details:
We tend to put more value on increasing focus and forget to invest in our ability to pay attention. To retrain your brain you could implement the training techniques employed by scientists and start keeping a field journal. You could take the extra time to sit and memorize a scene. The point is that you’re stopping and thinking critically about what you see throughout the day instead of just running past it. It’s a reminder of the importance of being mindful of what you spend your time consuming and digesting.
http://lifehacker.com/5915794/the-value-of-your-attention
It’s no secret that in order to form a memory you first have to pay attention to an event, but it’s easy to forget as you’re rushing to work or jogging through the park. As a digital trend, this is prevalent in the idea of the attention economy where attention is a limiting factor in how we process and consume information. It’s one of the essential reasons why notifications are evil as well: we consistently break focus and stop paying attention to a task at hand.
As The Information Diet author Clay Johnson points out, it’s not just about extending your focus so you can pay attention longer, it’s about choosing when it really matters:
As we continue to improve our critical thinking skills, we also need to be more selective about the information we put in our bodies. We need to think critically about the source before we think critically about the content. And we need to think critically about the type of information we’re consuming.Johnson’s example is with news sources, but the idea is the same for everything you pay attention to. Attention, much like willpower, depletes over time so it’s important to concentrate on what really matters.
One way to practice focusing your attention is to try and memorize a situation and think critically about it. Scientific American sums this up when they address the idea of memorizing a block of text:
Memorization, it seems, is another way of forcing our mind to pay attention-to really pay attention. And it can serve to stop us, to force us to think and reconsider, in a more basic fashion that we would were we to choose the stopping (or reflection) points ourselves-because instead, our brain has oddly enough chosen for us in the way it is storing, processing, and recalling information.The example in Scientific American is about memorizing and understanding text, but the idea is that when you’re memorizing something you force your brain to pay attention to it because you value that information.
In a recent article in TIME Magazine, researchers suggest a similar idea as a means to increase your power of observation, an idea not too far off from attention. Their suggestion is to keep a field notebook that trains your brain to learn to look for new details:
One of the best ways to do this is through the old-fashioned practice of taking field notes: writing descriptions and drawing pictures of what you see. “When you’re sketching something, you have to choose which marks to make on the page,” says Michael Canfield, a Harvard University entomologist and editor of the recent book Field Notes on Science and Nature. “It forces you to make decisions about what’s important and what’s not.”TIME suggests that when you force yourself to look for these smaller details by drawing out a scene you teach yourself to differentiate between seeing and observing. Doing so can help you decide where and what is worth your attention.
We tend to put more value on increasing focus and forget to invest in our ability to pay attention. To retrain your brain you could implement the training techniques employed by scientists and start keeping a field journal. You could take the extra time to sit and memorize a scene. The point is that you’re stopping and thinking critically about what you see throughout the day instead of just running past it. It’s a reminder of the importance of being mindful of what you spend your time consuming and digesting.
http://lifehacker.com/5915794/the-value-of-your-attention
5/11/12
Intelligence Is Overrated: What You Really Need To Succeed
Albert Einstein’s was estimated at 160, Madonna’s is 140, and John F. Kennedy’s was only 119, but as it turns out, your IQ score pales in comparison with your EQ, MQ, and BQ scores when it comes to predicting your success and professional achievement.
IQ tests are used as an indicator of logical reasoning ability and technical intelligence. A high IQ is often a prerequisite for rising to the top ranks of business today. It is necessary, but it is not adequate to predict executive competence and corporate success. By itself, a high IQ does not guarantee that you will stand out and rise above everyone else.
Research carried out by the Carnegie Institute of Technology shows that 85 percent of your financial success is due to skills in “human engineering,” your personality and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Shockingly, only 15 percent is due to technical knowledge. Additionally, Nobel Prize winning Israeli-American psychologist, Daniel Kahneman, found that people would rather do business with a person they like and trust rather than someone they don’t, even if the likeable person is offering a lower quality product or service at a higher price.
With this in mind, instead of exclusively focusing on your conventional intelligence quotient, you should make an investment in strengthening your EQ (Emotional Intelligence), MQ (Moral Intelligence), and BQ (Body Intelligence). These concepts may be elusive and difficult to measure, but their significance is far greater than IQ.
Emotional Intelligence
EQ is the most well known of the three, and in brief it is about: being aware of your own feelings and those of others, regulating these feelings in yourself and others, using emotions that are appropriate to the situation, self-motivation, and building relationships.
Top Tip for Improvement: First, become aware of your inner dialogue. It helps to keep a journal of what thoughts fill your mind during the day. Stress can be a huge killer of emotional intelligence, so you also need to develop healthy coping techniques that can effectively and quickly reduce stress in a volatile situation.
Moral Intelligence
MQ directly follows EQ as it deals with your integrity, responsibility, sympathy, and forgiveness. The way you treat yourself is the way other people will treat you. Keeping commitments, maintaining your integrity, and being honest are crucial to moral intelligence.
Top Tip for Improvement: Make fewer excuses and take responsibility for your actions. Avoid little white lies. Show sympathy and communicate respect to others. Practice acceptance and show tolerance of other people’s shortcomings. Forgiveness is not just about how we relate to others; it’s also how you relate to and feel about yourself.
Body Intelligence
Lastly, there is your BQ, or body intelligence, which reflects what you know about your body, how you feel about it, and take care of it. Your body is constantly telling you things; are you listening to the signals or ignoring them? Are you eating energy-giving or energy-draining foods on a daily basis? Are you getting enough rest? Do you exercise and take care of your body? It may seem like these matters are unrelated to business performance, but your body intelligence absolutely affects your work because it largely determines your feelings, thoughts, self-confidence, state of mind, and energy level.
Top Tip For Improvement: At least once a day, listen to the messages your body is sending you about your health. Actively monitor these signals instead of going on autopilot. Good nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest are all key aspects of having a high BQ. Monitoring your weight, practicing moderation with alcohol, and making sure you have down time can dramatically benefit the functioning of your brain and the way you perform at work.
What You Really Need To Succeed
It doesn’t matter if you did not receive the best academic training from a top university. A person with less education who has fully developed their EQ, MQ, and BQ can be far more successful than a person with an impressive education who falls short in these other categories.
Yes, it is certainly good to be an intelligent, rational thinker and have a high IQ; this is an important asset. But you must realize that it is not enough. Your IQ will help you personally, but EQ, MQ, and BQ will benefit everyone around you as well. If you can master the complexities of these unique and often under-rated forms of intelligence, research tells us you will achieve greater success and be regarded as more professionally competent and capable.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2012/04/12/intelligence-is-overrated-what-you-really-need-to-succeed
IQ tests are used as an indicator of logical reasoning ability and technical intelligence. A high IQ is often a prerequisite for rising to the top ranks of business today. It is necessary, but it is not adequate to predict executive competence and corporate success. By itself, a high IQ does not guarantee that you will stand out and rise above everyone else.
Research carried out by the Carnegie Institute of Technology shows that 85 percent of your financial success is due to skills in “human engineering,” your personality and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Shockingly, only 15 percent is due to technical knowledge. Additionally, Nobel Prize winning Israeli-American psychologist, Daniel Kahneman, found that people would rather do business with a person they like and trust rather than someone they don’t, even if the likeable person is offering a lower quality product or service at a higher price.
With this in mind, instead of exclusively focusing on your conventional intelligence quotient, you should make an investment in strengthening your EQ (Emotional Intelligence), MQ (Moral Intelligence), and BQ (Body Intelligence). These concepts may be elusive and difficult to measure, but their significance is far greater than IQ.
Emotional Intelligence
EQ is the most well known of the three, and in brief it is about: being aware of your own feelings and those of others, regulating these feelings in yourself and others, using emotions that are appropriate to the situation, self-motivation, and building relationships.
Top Tip for Improvement: First, become aware of your inner dialogue. It helps to keep a journal of what thoughts fill your mind during the day. Stress can be a huge killer of emotional intelligence, so you also need to develop healthy coping techniques that can effectively and quickly reduce stress in a volatile situation.
Moral Intelligence
MQ directly follows EQ as it deals with your integrity, responsibility, sympathy, and forgiveness. The way you treat yourself is the way other people will treat you. Keeping commitments, maintaining your integrity, and being honest are crucial to moral intelligence.
Top Tip for Improvement: Make fewer excuses and take responsibility for your actions. Avoid little white lies. Show sympathy and communicate respect to others. Practice acceptance and show tolerance of other people’s shortcomings. Forgiveness is not just about how we relate to others; it’s also how you relate to and feel about yourself.
Body Intelligence
Lastly, there is your BQ, or body intelligence, which reflects what you know about your body, how you feel about it, and take care of it. Your body is constantly telling you things; are you listening to the signals or ignoring them? Are you eating energy-giving or energy-draining foods on a daily basis? Are you getting enough rest? Do you exercise and take care of your body? It may seem like these matters are unrelated to business performance, but your body intelligence absolutely affects your work because it largely determines your feelings, thoughts, self-confidence, state of mind, and energy level.
Top Tip For Improvement: At least once a day, listen to the messages your body is sending you about your health. Actively monitor these signals instead of going on autopilot. Good nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest are all key aspects of having a high BQ. Monitoring your weight, practicing moderation with alcohol, and making sure you have down time can dramatically benefit the functioning of your brain and the way you perform at work.
What You Really Need To Succeed
It doesn’t matter if you did not receive the best academic training from a top university. A person with less education who has fully developed their EQ, MQ, and BQ can be far more successful than a person with an impressive education who falls short in these other categories.
Yes, it is certainly good to be an intelligent, rational thinker and have a high IQ; this is an important asset. But you must realize that it is not enough. Your IQ will help you personally, but EQ, MQ, and BQ will benefit everyone around you as well. If you can master the complexities of these unique and often under-rated forms of intelligence, research tells us you will achieve greater success and be regarded as more professionally competent and capable.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2012/04/12/intelligence-is-overrated-what-you-really-need-to-succeed
5/10/12
Secret Trait of Every Successful Entrepreneur
Conrad Hilton lost his hotel business during the Great Depression but
was able to buy it back and build one of the world's most successful
corporations. What's his secret?
One of the qualities that is most helpful in an aspiring entrepreneur is optimism. Without it you would be foolish to attempt risk. Consider those before us who against the greatest odds managed to start and build successful businesses. What was their secret?
Conrad Hilton and I went to the same high school, N.M.M.I. He started his hotel business prior to the Great Depression and as a result found himself over extended when the depression hit. He lost his hotels but was retained as manager. By 1946 he had bought them back and formed Hilton Hotel Corporation. He was an optimist.
There is an old saying in the Army, "There's no atheist in a foxhole." That's easy to figure out and pretty self-explanatory. I'll give you a new one, "There is no pessimist in a successful start-up or turnaround."
How many people do you know that have a great idea for a business, talk about it but never do anything about it? What stops them? Is it the risk of failure? Based on my years in business I would say it isn't the risk of failure but a lack of optimism for success. Now you may think I'm splitting hairs but let me make this distinction.
You have to be a realist to recognize whether something has the potential to be a success or not. Does the product, goods or services offered in my new venture have value? Can I take this model to market and create enough distinction that differentiates me from the competition? Or if its something completely new, is there a market for it? If you are being realistic, and the answer is yes, then you have to ask yourself am I going to put myself out there? Now comes the optimism. According to Webster, the definition of optimism is an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome. By looking at that definition, I cannot see how anyone could start a business or attempt a turnaround without being optimistic!
I have heard from many readers that they want to start their own business but just aren't ready. For many that may be true. For those that fit this description, ask yourself will you ever be ready? There probably will be no better time than right now to start one. I say this because the macro aspects of the market have hit the bottom and are coming back up. Not because the government is doing anything but because business people are. The ability to rebuild the economy rests with you and me. Our voice, optimism and ultimately the power of small business will adapt and overcome.
The cost of money is lower now than before. With interest rates so low, the risk reward parameters have shifted. Based on today's rates; something slightly better than break even will return more money than conventional savings, money market or CD rates.
So, what are you waiting for?
One of the qualities that is most helpful in an aspiring entrepreneur is optimism. Without it you would be foolish to attempt risk. Consider those before us who against the greatest odds managed to start and build successful businesses. What was their secret?
Conrad Hilton and I went to the same high school, N.M.M.I. He started his hotel business prior to the Great Depression and as a result found himself over extended when the depression hit. He lost his hotels but was retained as manager. By 1946 he had bought them back and formed Hilton Hotel Corporation. He was an optimist.
There is an old saying in the Army, "There's no atheist in a foxhole." That's easy to figure out and pretty self-explanatory. I'll give you a new one, "There is no pessimist in a successful start-up or turnaround."
How many people do you know that have a great idea for a business, talk about it but never do anything about it? What stops them? Is it the risk of failure? Based on my years in business I would say it isn't the risk of failure but a lack of optimism for success. Now you may think I'm splitting hairs but let me make this distinction.
You have to be a realist to recognize whether something has the potential to be a success or not. Does the product, goods or services offered in my new venture have value? Can I take this model to market and create enough distinction that differentiates me from the competition? Or if its something completely new, is there a market for it? If you are being realistic, and the answer is yes, then you have to ask yourself am I going to put myself out there? Now comes the optimism. According to Webster, the definition of optimism is an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome. By looking at that definition, I cannot see how anyone could start a business or attempt a turnaround without being optimistic!
I have heard from many readers that they want to start their own business but just aren't ready. For many that may be true. For those that fit this description, ask yourself will you ever be ready? There probably will be no better time than right now to start one. I say this because the macro aspects of the market have hit the bottom and are coming back up. Not because the government is doing anything but because business people are. The ability to rebuild the economy rests with you and me. Our voice, optimism and ultimately the power of small business will adapt and overcome.
The cost of money is lower now than before. With interest rates so low, the risk reward parameters have shifted. Based on today's rates; something slightly better than break even will return more money than conventional savings, money market or CD rates.
So, what are you waiting for?
3 Ways to Build Trust In Your Managers
Trust is an essential part of strong leadership. Developing it requires time, patience--and coaching.
Do you trust the people who report to you?
While every leader faces this question, too often the question is framed within the context of right vs. wrong. That is, do you trust your employees to make honest and ethical decisions? In my experience the question of trust should more often be about managerial competence than personal morality.
The trust issue is even more important these days as organizations strive to grow with leaner staffs and fewer resources. The margin for error is slim to none.
Here's an example of what I mean. You notice that a team that reports to one of our direct reports is having difficulty getting a project done on time and on budget. You speak to your direct report--the team's boss--but he seems unable to spot the problem. He is too trusting of his team and lets the members do whatever they want to do. Because the team has always performed well in the past he assumes they will figure out how to get their project back on track. The boss has become too trusting, while you as his boss are losing trust in his leadership as well as the capability of the team.
There is no right and wrong in a moral sense here. It is an issue of managerial poor-performance. Too often I have seen managers let such issues slide because they do not want to confront their people or because they "trust" they will get the job done.
Neither is a good solution. A better alternative is a coaching session, and here are some recommendations for how to conduct one.
Get the whole story. Invite your direct report to tell you his side of the story. This is especially true when things go wrong. Sometimes the manager is clueless; he may be so wrapped up in details that he has lost the bigger picture. For example, he may think he is shepherding the project when it reality he is juggling details and not completing the whole task.
Make suggestions. Ask what the manager will do to rectify the situation. One executive I know makes it a point to teach his people how to ask the right questions at the right time. Such questions are those that challenge assumptions, not in a hostile manner, but in ways that encourage open and honest discussion. Such questions open the mind to alternate ways of thinking.
Gain agreement. Insist on a plan of action. Make certain that it includes specific assignments as well as metrics and milestones, where appropriate. Specificity is essential when it comes to performance improvement.
These action steps, as long as they are backed with strong follow-up, will work but your job as manager is not over. You need to remain vigilant about how your direct report is managing his team. Importantly, you need to find a way to engage this team in ways that enable them to succeed without intense supervision. This means building a value system in which people hold one another accountable for results. When teammates do this, they keep each other engaged. They reinforce their sense of purpose by getting the job done right.
Trust is a bond between individuals or between teams and their supervisors. It can never be expected, nor imposed. It is earned through example and reinforced through success as well as recognition. Vigilance to trust is an essential component of leadership.
Do you trust the people who report to you?
While every leader faces this question, too often the question is framed within the context of right vs. wrong. That is, do you trust your employees to make honest and ethical decisions? In my experience the question of trust should more often be about managerial competence than personal morality.
The trust issue is even more important these days as organizations strive to grow with leaner staffs and fewer resources. The margin for error is slim to none.
Here's an example of what I mean. You notice that a team that reports to one of our direct reports is having difficulty getting a project done on time and on budget. You speak to your direct report--the team's boss--but he seems unable to spot the problem. He is too trusting of his team and lets the members do whatever they want to do. Because the team has always performed well in the past he assumes they will figure out how to get their project back on track. The boss has become too trusting, while you as his boss are losing trust in his leadership as well as the capability of the team.
There is no right and wrong in a moral sense here. It is an issue of managerial poor-performance. Too often I have seen managers let such issues slide because they do not want to confront their people or because they "trust" they will get the job done.
Neither is a good solution. A better alternative is a coaching session, and here are some recommendations for how to conduct one.
Get the whole story. Invite your direct report to tell you his side of the story. This is especially true when things go wrong. Sometimes the manager is clueless; he may be so wrapped up in details that he has lost the bigger picture. For example, he may think he is shepherding the project when it reality he is juggling details and not completing the whole task.
Make suggestions. Ask what the manager will do to rectify the situation. One executive I know makes it a point to teach his people how to ask the right questions at the right time. Such questions are those that challenge assumptions, not in a hostile manner, but in ways that encourage open and honest discussion. Such questions open the mind to alternate ways of thinking.
Gain agreement. Insist on a plan of action. Make certain that it includes specific assignments as well as metrics and milestones, where appropriate. Specificity is essential when it comes to performance improvement.
These action steps, as long as they are backed with strong follow-up, will work but your job as manager is not over. You need to remain vigilant about how your direct report is managing his team. Importantly, you need to find a way to engage this team in ways that enable them to succeed without intense supervision. This means building a value system in which people hold one another accountable for results. When teammates do this, they keep each other engaged. They reinforce their sense of purpose by getting the job done right.
Trust is a bond between individuals or between teams and their supervisors. It can never be expected, nor imposed. It is earned through example and reinforced through success as well as recognition. Vigilance to trust is an essential component of leadership.
5/9/12
Sales Lessons My Mom Taught Me
My mother taught me everything I really needed to know about selling. Here's her advice.
My mother was a crack sales rep for Bristol Myers, but to me she was mostly just my mom. As such, it didn't occur to me until a few years ago that her "mom advice" was also a sure-fire recipe for sales success.
Here's what I remember:
1. 'No gift until after you write the thank-you note.'
My mom was BIG on thank-you notes. In her mind, it was the height of rudeness to fail to recognize when somebody had sent you a gift. So every Christmas, before we got to actually play with the toys our relatives sent us, we had to sit down and write our thank-you notes.
Years later, I learned that she always applied the same principles in her sales job. Whenever a store manager cut a special order, or allowed her to rearrange the shelf layout, or did anything that made her job easier, she wrote a personal note and mailed it, on exact the same day.
As the result of this simple discipline, store managers always remembered her name, and always took her calls and positively anticipated her visits.
2. 'Always wear clean underwear.'
And, yes, she did add "in case you get in an accident," but only when she gave the advice to my sister. In my case, her advice was, I think, a reflection of her view that the only way to dress well is to dress from the inside out.
My mother observed that, rightly or wrongly, people judge you on your appearance. She also frequently pointed out that, of all the elements that make up your appearance, the one that's most under your control is what you're wearing.
She believed–and I agree with her–that a big part of how your clothes look on you is how you feel about the clothes themselves. It's hard, maybe impossible, to look sharp if you know that you're wearing something tatty, even if other people probably aren't going to see it.
3. 'Profanity shows a lack of imagination.'
This was my mom's unique way of saying "watch your mouth!"–and it's good advice for anyone in business, especially if you work in sales.
Some people in business use profanity (or even obscenity) in an attempt to add swagger to their personas. However, because it's both common and commonplace, "colorful" language usually falls flat and frequently offends.
Unfortunately, swearing is, like most habits, easy to acquire and difficult to break. So expunge the filth from your vocabulary now, before you accidentally make customers wonder whether they want to do business with somebody who's got a potty mouth.
4. 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.'
My mother didn't tolerate malicious gossip and avoided people who did. As a result, the people she worked with (including customers) shared all sorts of things that they otherwise might not have revealed.
Sales is all about trust, and people stop trusting you the minute they minute you trash-talk the competition, your management (worse), or other customers (worst of all).
When you allow venom to creep into your words, it spreads poison over everything. So if you want strong relationships, both personal and professional, hold your tongue when you're tempted to say something unprofessional or petty.
5. 'I don't care if everyone else is doing it.'
I remember being furious at my mom when she said this. She was unfair! She was ruining my social life! She was making me uncool! (The horror, the horror...)
Of course, now that I've got two kids of my own, I know exactly where she was coming from. More importantly, I've come to realize that, just as it's immature to let peer pressure lead you into doing something stupid, it's a losing business strategy to imitate the behavior of other firms in your industry.
That's why I'm skeptical of anyone who claims to be teaching "best practices." Every company is unique and thus must have a unique formula for success. Going with the crowd is the fast track to mediocrity.
6. 'It's no use crying over spilt milk.'
My mom faced a lot of challenges in her life: a stillborn baby in her 20s, a scandal-ridden divorce in her 30s, breast cancer in her 40s. She came through all of it with a (mostly) positive attitude, because she lived in the present and not the past.
I can't ever remember hearing her complain, even once, about what had happened to her. Instead, she made the effort, and largely succeeded, in finding things to enjoy in her life at the time.
That's an incredibly valuable belief to have if your livelihood depends upon sales. No matter how talented you are, no matter how wonderful your product, some deals are going to go south. Focusing on the past is worse than useless. Learn what you can and move on.
Note: My mom died two years ago from complications resulting from reconstructive surgery. I respectfully dedicate this column to her memory.
http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/sales-lessons-my-mom-taught-me.html
My mother was a crack sales rep for Bristol Myers, but to me she was mostly just my mom. As such, it didn't occur to me until a few years ago that her "mom advice" was also a sure-fire recipe for sales success.
Here's what I remember:
1. 'No gift until after you write the thank-you note.'
My mom was BIG on thank-you notes. In her mind, it was the height of rudeness to fail to recognize when somebody had sent you a gift. So every Christmas, before we got to actually play with the toys our relatives sent us, we had to sit down and write our thank-you notes.
Years later, I learned that she always applied the same principles in her sales job. Whenever a store manager cut a special order, or allowed her to rearrange the shelf layout, or did anything that made her job easier, she wrote a personal note and mailed it, on exact the same day.
As the result of this simple discipline, store managers always remembered her name, and always took her calls and positively anticipated her visits.
2. 'Always wear clean underwear.'
And, yes, she did add "in case you get in an accident," but only when she gave the advice to my sister. In my case, her advice was, I think, a reflection of her view that the only way to dress well is to dress from the inside out.
My mother observed that, rightly or wrongly, people judge you on your appearance. She also frequently pointed out that, of all the elements that make up your appearance, the one that's most under your control is what you're wearing.
She believed–and I agree with her–that a big part of how your clothes look on you is how you feel about the clothes themselves. It's hard, maybe impossible, to look sharp if you know that you're wearing something tatty, even if other people probably aren't going to see it.
3. 'Profanity shows a lack of imagination.'
This was my mom's unique way of saying "watch your mouth!"–and it's good advice for anyone in business, especially if you work in sales.
Some people in business use profanity (or even obscenity) in an attempt to add swagger to their personas. However, because it's both common and commonplace, "colorful" language usually falls flat and frequently offends.
Unfortunately, swearing is, like most habits, easy to acquire and difficult to break. So expunge the filth from your vocabulary now, before you accidentally make customers wonder whether they want to do business with somebody who's got a potty mouth.
4. 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.'
My mother didn't tolerate malicious gossip and avoided people who did. As a result, the people she worked with (including customers) shared all sorts of things that they otherwise might not have revealed.
Sales is all about trust, and people stop trusting you the minute they minute you trash-talk the competition, your management (worse), or other customers (worst of all).
When you allow venom to creep into your words, it spreads poison over everything. So if you want strong relationships, both personal and professional, hold your tongue when you're tempted to say something unprofessional or petty.
5. 'I don't care if everyone else is doing it.'
I remember being furious at my mom when she said this. She was unfair! She was ruining my social life! She was making me uncool! (The horror, the horror...)
Of course, now that I've got two kids of my own, I know exactly where she was coming from. More importantly, I've come to realize that, just as it's immature to let peer pressure lead you into doing something stupid, it's a losing business strategy to imitate the behavior of other firms in your industry.
That's why I'm skeptical of anyone who claims to be teaching "best practices." Every company is unique and thus must have a unique formula for success. Going with the crowd is the fast track to mediocrity.
6. 'It's no use crying over spilt milk.'
My mom faced a lot of challenges in her life: a stillborn baby in her 20s, a scandal-ridden divorce in her 30s, breast cancer in her 40s. She came through all of it with a (mostly) positive attitude, because she lived in the present and not the past.
I can't ever remember hearing her complain, even once, about what had happened to her. Instead, she made the effort, and largely succeeded, in finding things to enjoy in her life at the time.
That's an incredibly valuable belief to have if your livelihood depends upon sales. No matter how talented you are, no matter how wonderful your product, some deals are going to go south. Focusing on the past is worse than useless. Learn what you can and move on.
Note: My mom died two years ago from complications resulting from reconstructive surgery. I respectfully dedicate this column to her memory.
http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/sales-lessons-my-mom-taught-me.html
5/8/12
The Six Enemies of Greatness (and Happiness)
The Six Enemies of Greatness (and Happiness)
These six factors can erode the grandest of plans and the noblest of intentions. They can turn visionaries into paper-pushers and wide-eyed dreamers into shivering, weeping balls of regret. Beware!
1) Availability
We often settle for what’s available, and what’s available isn’t always great. “Because it was there,” is an okay reason to climb a mountain, but not a very good reason to take a job or a free sample at the supermarket.
2) Ignorance
If we don’t know how to make something great, we simply won’t. If we don’t know that greatness is possible, we won’t bother attempting it. All too often, we literally do not know any better than good enough.
3) Committees
Nothing destroys a good idea faster than a mandatory consensus. The lowest common denominator is never a high standard.
4) Comfort
Why pursue greatness when you’ve already got 324 channels and a recliner? Pass the dip and forget about your grand designs.
5) Momentum
If you’ve been doing what you’re doing for years and it’s not-so-great, you are in a rut. Many people refer to these ruts as careers.
These six factors can erode the grandest of plans and the noblest of intentions. They can turn visionaries into paper-pushers and wide-eyed dreamers into shivering, weeping balls of regret. Beware!
1) Availability
We often settle for what’s available, and what’s available isn’t always great. “Because it was there,” is an okay reason to climb a mountain, but not a very good reason to take a job or a free sample at the supermarket.
If we don’t know how to make something great, we simply won’t. If we don’t know that greatness is possible, we won’t bother attempting it. All too often, we literally do not know any better than good enough.
Nothing destroys a good idea faster than a mandatory consensus. The lowest common denominator is never a high standard.
Why pursue greatness when you’ve already got 324 channels and a recliner? Pass the dip and forget about your grand designs.
If you’ve been doing what you’re doing for years and it’s not-so-great, you are in a rut. Many people refer to these ruts as careers.
6) Passivity
There’s a difference
between being agreeable and agreeing to everything. Trust the little
internal voice that tells you, “this is a bad idea.”
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